Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993)

Anyone who grew up at the end of the 1980s will more than likely remember the cultural phenomenon sparked by an insanely successful cartoon starring a quartet of anthropomorphic tortoises known as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. You couldn't go anywhere in the late-'80s without seeing something related to the Ninja Turtles, because they were absolutely everywhere. And as the 1980s gave way to the 1990s, the Turtles were translated from their animated form into a pair of successful live-action movies released by New Line Cinema.

But as the '90s rolled on, the popularity of the Ninja Turtles began to fade, as all big trends eventually do. However, New Line must not have gotten that memo, because in the waning days of Turtlemania, they released Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III. The movie performed modestly at the box office and did double its budget, but it was nowhere near the quality of the previous two films in the series. The Ninja Turtles were slowly disappearing from the public consciousness, and this movie's weakness was quite possibly a catalyst for it. Let's see where it went wrong, shall we?

In an abandoned subway station beneath the streets of New York City, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles train under the watchful eye of their master Splinter (the voice of James Murray). Just as their latest training session ends, April O'Neil (Paige Turco) arrives with bags full of goodies she picked up at a local flea market. She gives Leonardo (the voice of Brian Tochi) a book about historical samurai swords; Michelangelo (the voice of Robbie Rist) receives an ugly lampshade that, if this were A Christmas Story, would probably be considered a major award; Donatello (the voice of Corey Feldman) is given an antique radio, and Raphael (the voice of Tim Kelleher) gets a fedora. Her gift for Splinter is an ancient Japanese scepter. But before April can give it to him, a brilliant flash of light from the scepter causes April to vanish and be replaced by a Japanese man.

We learn that this stranger's name is Kenshin (Henry Hayashi), and that he's from feudal Japan circa 1603. (Yes, I know the poster at the top of the review says 1593. But the movie itself says 1603, so I'm assuming the guy in New Line's marketing department made a typo that nobody caught.) In his own time, Kenshin is facing punishment for disgracing his estranged father — and the local daimyo — Lord Norinaga (Sab Shimono). Norinaga has been engaged in a war against those who resist him, a war that Kenshin disapproves of. However, Norinaga is facing pressure from a shady British tradesman named Walker (Stuart Wilson), who seems to instigate Norinaga and push him to accept a shipment of guns and cannons.

Back in the twentieth century, the Turtles quickly deduce that the scepter is actually something of a time machine, and due to the oh-so-wonderful laws of physics, April has replaced Kenshin in his time. And being the science whiz he is, Donatello also figures that if they're going to bring April back to the future, they've got about sixty hours before the window of opportunity closes for good and they're all stranded in the past. So they've got to get to work.

With Casey Jones (Elias Koteas) hanging around entertain Kenshin and their four replacements, the Turtles hitch a ride to the seventeenth century. They arrive to find themselves on horseback, with Michelangelo not really getting the hang of it and ending up unconscious in the middle of the woods before a group of the anti-Norinaga rebels kidnap him and steal the scepter.

As night falls, the other three are forced to search for April without Michelangelo. Disguised as honor guards, they sneak their way into Lord Norinaga's castle and follow Walker's sidekick Niles (John Aylward) to the dungeon. There they discover April, who Norinaga blamed for Kenshin's mysterious disappearance and had imprisoned for witchcraft. The Turtles stage a jailbreak and free both April and a prisoner named Whit (Elias Koteas in a dual role), then head into the forest.

But they aren't able to bask in the forest's tranquility for long, as they're ambushed by more rebels that mistakenly believe the Turtles are members of Norinaga's honor guard. The rebel leader, Mitsu (Vivian Wu), unmasks Donatello and is taken aback because he is like "the other one."

Realizing that they have Michelangelo, the three Turtles happily agree to return to their village. But once they arrive, they discover Walker and his henchmen torching the village in search of the scepter. The reunited Turtles fight them off and rescue a young boy named Yoshi (Travis A. Moon) from inside a burning building, which convinces the grateful villagers to let them stay. But things aren't exactly worth celebrating, as they also learn that the scepter has gone missing. The Turtles must find a way to return home before it's too late, as well as find a way out of the war they have found themselves in the middle of.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III is something of an enigma. The movie certainly isn't for fans of the comics, and I'm not sure it's for fans of the cartoon either. I'm not really sure who the movie's target demographic is. I was a devoted Ninja Turtle fan on the precipice of my eleventh birthday when Turtles III was released, and I still didn't believe the movie was anywhere near as good or as entertaining as the previous two movies or the cartoon. It seems most moviegoers knew it too, since although it doubled its budget, the movie only pulled in 54 percent of what Turtles II made at the domestic box office, and only 31 percent of what the original film made domestically.

The movie's disappointing success is probably because Turtles III seems like one final effort to make a few bucks off a phenomenon that was on its last legs. The popularity of the Turtles was beginning to wane and at the time of the third movie's release, the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers were about five months away from stealing away the last of their limelight. I mean, Turtles III was so disappointing that I'd say it was pretty much the death knell for Turtlemania as the children of the '80s knew it.

Not everything about the movie is bad, I'll give it that much. The set designers and wardrobe department did a great job, the action is decent, a handful of the jokes are actually funny, and the casting department makes up for some of Turtles II's flaws by bringing back Corey Feldman and Elias Koteas and letting the Turtles use their weapons for a change. But everything else about it... meh.

The screenplay written by Stuart Gillard is one of the movie's bigger faults, I'd say. The idea of taking the Ninja Turtles out of their element isn't a bad idea, but it isn't accomplished well. There's not a whole lot that actually resembles the spirit or charm of the first two movies. The Turtles are the type of characters where everything is done with an irreverent smirk, but aside from a few corny pop culture references, everything not set in modern-day New York City is depicted as being almost as serious as a heart attack. I mean, I don't think anybody was expecting to see the Turtles dropped into a turf war involving the leader of a feudal society and a gun-peddling sleazebag.

Most of Gillard's jokes don't exactly work either. There are a few bits that I liked, such as the scenes with Casey teaching Norinaga's honor guard about television, hockey, and nightclubs, but a lot of the humor is goofy to the point of cheesiness. I mean, working in a lame Wayne's World reference? Yeah, Wayne's World was a big hit a year before Turtles III came out, but I really don't think the crowd that watches Saturday Night Live or saw Wayne's World is the same crowd that would be seeing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. I have this notion that Gillard was sitting in his office writing the script, thinking to himself, "Let's have the Turtles say 'schwing' when they find April showing a little leg. That'll be hilarious!" Well, guess what? The only amusement it draws is the giggling that is usually followed by the phrase, "That's so lame." And to tell the truth, a hefty majority of the jokes in the movie are like that.

You know, the second movie moved the franchise closer to the same silly nature of the cartoon. They may have ditched Casey Jones, but the Vanilla Ice cameo and the Bebop and Rocksteady wannabes really said that if the first movie was for fans of the comics, Turtles II was for fans of the animated series. Why Gillard couldn't have written a movie that continued that, I have no idea. A more comedic, fantasy-oriented slant would have at least fit some franchise expectations, but the plot seems like the decision was made to drop the Turtles into The Last Samurai.

I certainly don't fault Gillard for at least trying to do something different with the Turtles, but I'd have much rather seen the Turtles fight Baxter Stockman or Krang. I mean, who would you rather see as a villain sparring with four anthropomorphic turtles: a mutant half-man/half-housefly and a talking brain from Dimension X that drives around in a tank that looks like the Death Star, or a 17th-century Japanese warlord and the guy that leads the British version of the National Rifle Association? No, I don't know if they could have done a convincing Krang or Technodrome on a 20 million dollar budget, but David Cronenberg did The Fly for 15 million dollars, so I'm sure they could have had Baxter Stockman as a villain. But nope, we instead get this lame time travel story. I guess you could say I'm not exactly a fan of the plot.

I will give credit to Gillard for his decent work as a director, though. His work isn't groundbreaking, nothing that would have earned him any award nominations. But Gillard and cinematographer David Gurfinkel handle things well enough, with the action sequences being where they do their best work. It doesn't save the movie from being thoroughly mediocre at best, but hey, at least Gillard makes the movie look decent.

At least it helps that the movie has the benefit of another strong music score composed by John Du Prez. If there's one constant in the live-action Turtles trilogy, it's been Du Prez and his fantastic music. His music for Turtles III naturally has a very East Asian feel at times, while maintaining a style similar to his music for the first two films at other times.

The cast is also acceptable, but there aren't really too many standout players. Brian Tochi, Corey Feldman, Robbie Rist, and Tim Kellehner all do a decent job voicing the Turtles, but James Murray isn't nearly half as good as Kevin Clash's work as Splinter from the previous movies. Paige Turco reprises her role from Turtles II, but it appears that she's returning to a different character, one that seems to have been changed from the mother figure she was previously to almost being one of the boys. Turco does look like she's having a lot of fun, playing the role well despite the lame writing. Stuart Wilson, Sab Shimono, and Vivian Wu are all acceptable if not almost forgettable, and Harry Hayashi and Travis A. Moon are complete non-factors.

The true standout actor in the movie is Elias Koteas. Koteas is given next to nothing to do with the "Whit" character, but his scenes with the honor guard — played by Mak Takano, Steven Getson Akahoshi, Kent Kim, and Ken Kensei — are the best parts of the whole thing. Why they didn't bring him back for Turtles II, I have no idea, because both Koteas and the character are great. You know, if it were up to me, I'd have completely forgone the idea of doing a third Turtles movie and done a Casey Jones spin-off instead. That would have been a lot more fun than this mediocre waste of time.

But if I had to choose what I thought was the absolute worst part of the movie, it would be the ungodly atrocious effects designed by All Effects Company. The producers must not have been able to convince Jim Henson's Creature Shop to come back, which is a shame. The bodies of the four turtles wouldn't be completely horrible if it weren't for the unrealistic rubbery skin and weird spots that weren't there in the first two movies, but the faces look like someone decided to create four oversized reptilian Furbys and put them in a movie. I mean, there's even some instances where the Turtles speak, and their mouths don't move at all. That could more than likely be blamed on the sound editors, but it's still lame. And how about that hideous animatronic Splinter? It looks more like something you'd see at Chuck E. Cheese's instead of something that looks, you know, believable.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III is a very good example of how an attempt to keep a dying franchise afloat can go horribly wrong. I mean, I'm sure that even the most devoted Ninja Turtles fan has a hard time watching this tragic misfire. I don't even know if I can wrap this thing up properly, because I'm so astounded that this movie is what it is. There are a couple of entertaining things about Turtles III, but not enough to avoid being outweighed by the bad. I'm going to give it two stars, and a recommendation only to those people who absolutely have to see anything and everything related to the Ninja Turtles. And after watching this again, I can't say I'm surprised that it took Hollywood fourteen years to release another Ninja Turtles movie.

Final Rating: **

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze (1991)

Anyone who considers themselves a child of the '80s is sure to remember a quartet of anthropomorphic tortoises known as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Though the Ninja Turtles had the humblest of beginnings, originating as a comic book independently published by Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird in 1984, the fearsome foursome would become a mainstream juggernaut later in the decade when they joined CBS's block of Saturday morning cartoons in 1987. After that, the Turtles were everywhere. Action figures, clothes, breakfast cereal, Hostess fruit pies, and even toothpaste all bore the logo of, as their theme song called them, the "heroes in a half shell."

And eventually, they even got their own movie. Hitting theaters in the spring of 1990, the live-action Ninja Turtles movie was a smashing success, and prompted distributor New Line Cinema to strike while the iron was hot and release a sequel just one year later. And while it's not exactly as good as the first movie, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze still makes an excellent attempt to maintain all the fun of the original.

The Ninja Turtles — Leonardo (the voice of Brian Tochi), Michelangelo (the voice of Robbie Rist), Donatello (the voice of Adam Carl), and Raphael (the voice of Laurie Faso) — and their master Splinter (the voice of Kevin Clash) are in search of a new home, staying at the apartment of their one human friend, April O'Neil (Paige Turco), in the interim. I'm not really sure if it's a good idea for April to let them crash at her place, since the last time that happened, it led to a giant war that resulted in the whole building going up in flames. Was I the only one who learned anything from the first movie?

In any respect, the Turtles are still on cloud nine after their incredible defeat of the Foot Clan. Unfortunately, their battle is not quite over. Shredder (François Chau, with David McCharen's voice) has somehow survived his apparent death at the end of the first movie, and swears revenge as he reorganizes the Foot Clan and formulates a new plan of attack.

He kidnaps scientist Jordan Perry (David Warner) and forces him to use the last known canister of the radioactive ooze that created the Ninja Turtles to form two new beasts: a giant snapping turtle and wolf named Tokka and Rahzar (both voiced by Frank Welker). The Turtles are quickly forced into action, teaming with Perry and a pizza delivery boy named Keno (Ernie Reyes, Jr.) as they search for a way to save New York City from the rampaging monsters that Shredder has unleashed.

Well, nobody ever accused the movie of being Shakespeare. One could probably even argue that if the original movie drew the majority of its inspiration from Eastman and Laird's comics, then the sequel was greatly inspired by the cartoon. The movie truly does feel like a live-action, feature-length episode of the cartoon. Sure, there's no Krang, and Bebop and Rocksteady have been replaced with Tokka and Rahzar, but the movie definitely has the same childlike demeanor as the cartoon. I mean, a Vanilla Ice cameo would never have worked in the first movie. But here, while it's still silly beyond words, it works on some surreal level.

The screenplay penned by Todd W. Langen feels like something that was just slapped together in order to get out there for the crew to film. The movie was written, produced, edited, and released exactly twelve months after its predecessor, presumably to capitalize on the success of the first movie before kids moved on to the next fad. This sort of speed can work for some movie franchises, like the Saw series, but Langen's script seems rushed and is full of things that just don't make a whole lot of sense. Shredder going out like a punk in a totally anticlimactic ending? Weak Bebop and Rocksteady wannabes instead of the real thing? The way-too-awesome Casey Jones being replaced by the way-too-lame Keno? Come on now.

Langen's script also panders way too hard to kids, as the Turtles rely far too much on quirky catchphrases instead of more witty humor, as well as a lack of any real violence. The fight scenes have been seriously toned down, almost becoming cartoony in nature. The Turtles barely even use their trademark weapons at all, with only Donatello being the only one to really get any sort of use out of his weapon.

However, the direction by Michael Pressman isn't that bad. Unfortunately, it's also incredibly generic. Considering that the movie's target demographic doesn't really care about epic cinematography or any of the other intricacies of filmmaking, I guess Pressman didn't really feel pressured to try anything more than the bare minimum in order to get the job done.

I know I shouldn't really be expecting a whole lot, since this is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II we're talking about. But even if Pressman was just doing things simply and get it over with so they get the movie out as quick as possible, you'd think Pressman would at least try a little harder.

It does help, though, that the movie once again boasts a fine music score composed by John Du Prez. I thought highly of his music for the first movie, and his music for Turtles II is no different. It's exciting and entertaining, doing what every good soundtrack should do by enhancing the visuals.

But I will say that I liked the cast a lot. The voice actors behind the Turtles and Splinter all do a great job, though I am bummed that Corey Feldman couldn't return as Donatello. David McCharen was once again fantastic as the voice of Shredder, and although he doesn't have too much dialogue, Frank Welker is entertaining as Tokka and Rahzar.

Among the on-screen actors, Paige Turco replaces Judith Hoag here and I don't have any problems with the change. The role of April is more motherly here than in the previous movie, and Turco plays it with a warm, affable demeanor that makes both her and the character more endearing. David Warner is acceptable, although I don't believe this is a movie that he keeps on his résumé, and Ernie Reyes is fun, but he and his character are absolutely no substitute for Elias Koteas's Casey Jones.

And as in the previous movie, Jim Henson's Creature Shop has designed four fantastic Turtle costumes. The costumes are fantastic, looking even better than the Creature Shop's costumes from a year earlier. The lip-synching is well-done, and the costumes appear lifelike and believable. I wish I could say the same for Tokka and Rahzar's costumes, though. They look good, very good, but there's no life behind their eyes. Their eyes don't move, they don't blink, their mouths don't move much when they talk. I got the impression that the Creature Shop didn't get to finish the animatronics in Tokka and Rahzar's faces before the movie went into production, which pretty much renders them expensive Halloween costumes. But other than that, the Creature Shop did a great job.

Most sequels out there just don't cut the mustard when held up against the movie that came before it. And unfortunately, Turtles II isn't as good as the first one. That doesn't mean it's a bad movie. I actually like it a lot, even the much-maligned Vanilla Ice cameo. I only really have two problems with the movie: the general feeling of a rushed production, and the all-too-short battle with Shredder at the end of the movie. In the first movie, it took the Turtles several minutes and a garbage truck to defeat Shredder. But in Turtles II, an eight-foot-tall mutated Super-Shredder is given ninety seconds of screen time, and he goes out like a complete wuss without anything even resembling a fight. The Turtles fighting Super-Shredder would have made for an amazing finale if it had been done right, but I guess there's not a lot that can be done to change that nearly two decades after the fact.

But when you get right down to it, the truth of the matter is this: this is a movie that is hard to take seriously. And that whole subtitle "The Secret of the Ooze" is just plain silly, especially since there's no secret at all. It's hard to be surprised when learning that the turtles were created by radioactive slime when that was mentioned in the first movie too. But to wrap this thing up, this movie is a simple one, seeming more like an 88-minute epilogue than a true sequel. In spite of its inadequacies, I enjoyed the movie, so I'll give Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze three stars. That's more than I can say for the third Ninja Turtles movie.

Final Rating: ***

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2006)

Of all the crazy ideas people have had for movies, one of the oddest was the Walt Disney Company's idea to do movies based on Disneyland attractions. It was an idea that was met with mixed results. The Country Bears and The Haunted Mansion failed to set the world on fire, but despite those failures, Disney did have a wee bit of success in Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl. Of course, by "wee bit of success," I mean that they had a big fat hit on their hands.

With a worldwide box office intake of 654 million dollars and five Academy Award nominations to the movie's credit, it was only a matter of time before Disney ventured out with a sequel. And a sequel is just what Disney gave us. Titled Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, the sequel was just as entertaining as its predecessor while being even more successful, joining Titanic and The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King on the extremely short list of movies that made over one billion dollars worldwide. And it made all that money for good reason.

The age of piracy is coming to an end, and hastening this is the East India Trading Company. Guiding the Company into the Caribbean is domineering agent Lord Cutler Beckett (Tom Hollander), who arrests Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) and Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley) mere moments before their wedding. They and the missing ex-commodore James Norrington (Jack Davenport) stand in the shadow of the hangman's noose for their parts in the escape of Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp), but Beckett offers them all a pardon if Will agrees to find and retrieve Jack's mysterious compass. Though a bit apprehensive, Will accepts the proposition, leaving the love of his life in a jail cell while he hunts for the roguish pirate.

His search leads him to the island of Pelegosto, where the Black Pearl has run aground and the crew is hiding out. Y'see, Jack had been paid a visit by his former crewmate — and Will's father — "Bootstrap Bill" Turner (Stellan Skarsgård). Now an indentured servant aboard the notorious ghost ship, the Flying Dutchman, Bootstrap Bill delivered a message to Jack, stating that his debt to the sadistic half-man/half-squid Davy Jones (Bill Nighy) was being called in. See, Jones had raised the Black Pearl from the ocean's floor for Jack thirteen years prior. And now that Jack's part of the bargain was being asked for, he must serve a century aboard the Flying Dutchman or face the wrath of Jones's personal sea monster, a mythological beast known as the Kraken. And since Jack isn't exactly ready to pay his debt, he and the Black Pearl's crew headed for Pelegosto, where Jack is apparently the chief of the native tribe. But the fun doesn't last for long, because Jack, Will, and the Black Pearl's crew end up having to run for their lives from the cannibalistic natives.

Barely making it back to the ship, they head out upon the open sea. Will tells Jack that Elizabeth are bound to hang unless he returns to Port Royal with the compass, but Jack makes a bargain: he'll hand over the compass, but only if Will helps him locate a key that leads to a great reward for whoever finds what it unlocks. They begin their quest for the key by seeking assistance from Tia Dalma (Naomie Harris), a voodoo priestess whose calls an isolated swamp her home. It is here we learn why Jack's compass is so special, as it points its possessor in the direction of whomever or whatever they desire most. But since the compass doesn't want to point Jack in the key's direction, Tia Dalma states that Jack either doesn't really know what he wants, or is hesitant to claim it if he does.

The key, she goes on to explain, opens the "Dead Man's Chest." Inside this chest is Davy Jones's still-beating heart, which he removed when the burden of lost love grew too heavy to bear. Whoever possesses the heart will also possess control over the seven seas. The Black Pearl soon heads back out to sea, but it isn't long before its crew encounters the Flying Dutchman. Jack, conniving weasel that he is, tries to offer up Will in his stead, but Jones doesn't quite go for the deal. He instead tells Jack that he'll give him his freedom, but to get it, he has to bring Jones one hundred souls within three days. And to get the ball rolling, Jones keeps Will aboard the Flying Dutchman, leaving Jack with ninety-nine souls to go.

Elizabeth is freed from her jail cell by her father (Jonathan Pryce) back in Port Royal, but before they can get her out of Dodge, Beckett ends up catching them. Elizabeth isn't taking any of his crap, so she threatens him at gunpoint and makes him hand over the Letter of Marque that Beckett had intended to give Jack. She plans on giving it to Will, so figuring she'd find him with Jack, she stows away on the nearest merchant vessel heading for Tortuga.

That turned out to be the right place to look, as Jack and his first mate Gibbs (Kevin McNally) are at a pub recruiting as many sailors as they can get. And who is among the recruits? None other than James Norrington, who looks like things have really gone downhill for him. Norrington blames Jack for the rather unpleasant path his life has taken, so he pulls a gun and tries shooting him. All that does is spark a wild brawl that ends with Elizabeth knocking Norrington unconscious.

Knowing of Elizabeth's determination to be with Will again, Jack reveals the compass's secret to her at the dock that evening. He hands the compass over to her, convincing her that acquiring the Dead Man's Chest will be the easiest way to reunite her with her groom-to-be. Elizabeth warily accepts the compass, pointing the Black Pearl in the direction of the chest. But as the voyage progresses, she begins to call her feelings for Will into doubt when she sees the compass pointing at Jack when she gives it a second glance.

The Black Pearl eventually arrives at a desert island named Isla Cruces, where the compass leads Jack, Elizabeth, and Norrington to the Dead Man's Chest. But in a wild coincidence, they cross paths with none other than Will. Having managed to steal the chest's key from Jones and escape from the Flying Dutchman with a little help from Bootstrap Bill, Will likewise seeks the chest with the intention of using it to free his woebegone father from eternal servitude aboard Jones's ship. Jack, Norrington, and Will end up having a three-way duel for the chest, but things get a wee bit more complicated when the Flying Dutchman arrives with the Kraken in tow, all of it coming to a head in a giant battle for possession of the Dead Man's Chest.

While it's common for mega-huge blockbusters to get sequels, it's uncommon for them to be as good as their predecessors. Sure, they might make more money, but when it comes to quality, most of them don't hold a candle to the original film. However, Dead Man's Chest is a rare exception to that stigma. It might not be an exact equal to The Curse of the Black Pearl, but it's very, very close. Though to be truthful, Dead Man's Chest is almost the complete opposite of the first movie. The first movie is a pirate adventure with just a bit of fantasy, while the sequel a full-blown fantasy film with a bit of pirate adventure. But just like its predecessor, Dead Man's Chest is brilliantly directed, brilliantly written, and brilliantly acted. It, like The Curse of the Black Pearl, may be a bit overlong (clocking in at exactly two and a half hours), but it never wears out its welcome, never ceasing to be entertaining.

Just as he did in the previous movie, Gore Verbinski does an excellent job in the director's chair. Once again teaming with cinematographer Dariusz Wolski, Verbinski crafts a film that is executed with a wonderful visual flair. His use of the visual effects crafted by Industrial Light & Magic is nothing short of astounding, as all of the CGI work looks realistic. It's none of that CGI that looks good, but you can still tell it's computer generated; it appears truly lifelike. The makeup effects on Bill Nighy and the actors playing the Flying Dutchman's crew would take forever to apply if done in full by practical effects teams, but the work done by ILM's digital animators looks so authentic, it's almost mind-boggling. Verbinski puts ILM's work to good use, as well as the grand score composed by Hans Zimmer. The music does exactly what all good movie music does: enhance the visuals while still being engaging in its own right. The music never becomes overbearing and invasive like it does in other blockbuster epics, but instead strengthens the movie by assisting in the storytelling process.

The screenplay penned by Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio is also well done, in spite of a flaw or two. My biggest complaint about the script is that it takes a while for the plot to really get going. And by the time things get moving, we're an hour into the movie and everything seems more complicated than it really is. However, Elliott and Rossio succeed in just about everything else. They wisely give the lion's share to Jack Sparrow, the franchise's most entertaining character, but they never let the other characters get stuck in Jack's shadow.

Each of the major players make some form of contribution to the story, though I got the impression that Elliott and Rossio couldn't really think of a whole lot to do with Will. He spends most of the movie brooding, complaining about things, and taking himself way too seriously, but he doesn't really accomplish a whole lot other than stealing the key to the Dead Man's Chest and repeatedly making vows to get his father off the Flying Dutchman. I know Will isn't as popular as Jack, but come on, can't somebody throw him a bone? Though perhaps he's supposed to be that way, as sort of a contrast to Jack's dashing, smooth-talking personality. That's certainly a possibility.

Last but not least is the cast. In my review of The Curse of the Black Pearl, I stated that I wasn't exactly impressed with the performances of Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom. That's changed with Dead Man's Chest, as both of there performances are quite good. I've already voiced my opinions in regards to Bloom's character, but he does the best with what he's given, and I can't fault him for that. Meanwhile, Knightley does a wonderful job, portraying Elizabeth as a strong-willed young woman who isn't hesitant to use her feminine wiles to try to influence things in her favor. And truth be told, I can't imagine anyone else in the role.

The other female member of the cast, Naomie Harris, is just as fun to watch. Although she only appears in two scenes, Harris plays the role with an infectious energy that really pulls the viewer in. Bill Nighy also does a great job, despite the CGI essentially whittling him down to just his eyes and voice. He may not have the same charm as Geoffrey Rush, but Nighy still makes for an intimidating villain that commands the screen. Kevin McNally, Stellan Skarsgård, Jack Davenport, and Tom Hollander are all fine despite their limited supporting roles, and in their extremely minor yet humorous roles, Lee Arenberg and Mackenzie Crook are hilarious as halfwit pirate wannabes Pintel and Rageti, the franchise's answer to R2-D2 and C-3PO.

But as was the case with the previous movie, Johnny Depp is the star of the show. Depp plays Jack with a humorous irreverence that makes the character loveable even when he's lying and cheating to further his own agendas and save his own neck from the chopping block. He obviously loves playing the character, as his enthusiasm shows. Every word he says, every move he makes is done with a smile. A lesser actor wouldn't have done what Depp does with the role, and I hope that he'll agree to do every Pirates of the Caribbean movie that Disney asks him to do.

Although quite a bit of it builds towards the third movie in the franchise, including one of the best cliffhangers that I personally have seen, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest is not only a great sequel, but a great movie in general. It's not a perfect film — then again, how many movies are? — but it's worth seeing by fans of pirate adventures and of high-quality entertainment. The direction is excellent, the cast is great, and the special effects are amazing. And I'll repeat what I said earlier: Dead Man's Chest might not be just as good as The Curse of the Black Pearl, it's very, very close. My final judgement is four stars, and a seal of approval.

Final Rating: ****

Pulse (2006)

I think it goes without saying that technology is a pretty huge part of life in the twenty-first century. We've got the Internet to keep us abreast of the world around us at a moment's notice, we've got cell phones and PDAs and instant messaging software to keep us in contact with all our buddies no matter where we are, all of it available without having to actually physically interact with a real flesh-and-blood person. The distancing of humanity through technology served as the basis for Japanese director Kiyoshi Kurosawa's cinematic study in existential isolationism, Kairo.

I didn't exactly "get" Kairo when I saw it, but I guess I'm in the minority, since it's proven to be somewhat popular among fans of the multitude of ghost stories populating Asian cinema. So when American movie studios began purchasing the remake rights of numerous J-Horror movies in the wake of The Ring's success in 2002, Kairo was naturally one of those films. Picked up by Dimension Films and the Weinstein Company, the remake (titled Pulse) traveled a long and arduous road to theaters, which I'll get into later. But when it was finally released, it ended up being completely ripped to shreds by critics and barely made enough money at the box office to cover its budget. So let's get to explaining why.

Mattie Webber (Kristen Bell) is a bright young college psychology major, but she's not exactly in the best of spirits. She hasn't seen or heard from her boyfriend Josh (Jonathan Tucker) in several days, and he hasn't responded to any of her phone calls or text messages. After he finally leaves a bizarre message on her answering machine, Mattie swings by his apartment to check on him. Why it took her a week to decide to visit him in person, I have no idea.

But maybe she shouldn't have bothered checking on him after all, because when she enters his apartment, it looks like she's walking into a disaster area. There's cockroaches in the cabinets, maggots in the refrigerator, and a sickly, dying cat in a closet. So either Josh is a really poor tenant, or his building is located in the seventh circle of Hell.

Josh himself isn't doing to well either, as he looks like absolute crap. He's in dire need of some sun, and his demeanor is listless and uncaring. Josh tells Mattie to stay in the living room, then heads back to another room. A few moments go by, and when she goes to see what he's doing, Mattie is shocked to discover that Josh has hanged himself.

Mattie and her friends — party girl Izzy (Christina Milian), illegal downloading addict Stone (Rick Gonzalez), and all-around nerd Tim (Samm Levine) — all mourn Josh's suicide, reminiscing about him in an online chat room. The chat, however, is soon flooded with hundreds of messages from Josh's screen name, each and every one of them reading "help me."

The group assumes that his computer is still running and that a virus is creating the messages, so Stone is commissioned to go to Josh's apartment and turn the computer off. No big deal, right? Of course not. But something happens at the apartment that causes Stone to completely withdraw from the group. He doesn't leave his apartment, he keeps to himself, and when he does talk to one of the others, he speaks in a sullen, depressed, lifeless tone.

Whatever happened to Stone didn't stop those bizarre "help me" messages, so Mattie figures she'll go take care of Josh's computer herself. She ends up running into his landlady (Octavia Spencer), who in no uncertain terms tells Mattie that she sold Josh's computer to make up for him never paying his rent.

Turns out the buyer's check bounced, so Mattie uses that to track down a hacker by the name of Dexter McCarthy (Ian Somerhalder). She accuses him of harassing her and her friends with the messages, but Dexter stops her long enough to reveal that, since he's a bit of a procrastinator, the computer's been sitting in the trunk of his car since he bought it.

After Mattie leaves, Dexter decides to go ahead and take the computer inside. As soon as he turns it on, a question appears: "Do you want to meet a ghost?" It's followed by numerous scenes of despondent-looking people filming themselves with webcams, many of whom are killing themselves, nearly all of them seeming to stare at Dexter through his monitor.

As the days go by, the number of people out and about begins to dwindle. Once crowded areas of the college campus are now like ghost towns, and there is an increasing number of people committing suicide — and later, vanishing altogether — throughout the city.

Dexter tracks down Mattie, revealing what he'd been able to salvage from her late boyfriend's computer. Among the items he retrieved were a number of video messages to someone named Douglas Zieglar (Kel O'Neill). The videos disclose that Josh had hacked into Zieglar's computer, from which he had stolen and accidentally distributed a virus that Zieglar had developed.

This virus somehow managed to bridge the gap between the living and the dead, allowing the spirits of the deceased to reach our realm through cell phone networks and Wi-Fi connections. The bridge into our world is widening, with more and more ghosts entering and sucking the will to live out of everyone they encounter.

But before his death, Josh apparently developed another virus that he believed would counteract Zieglar's. This bit of information brings Mattie and Dexter together, and as the world's population gives way to a greater number of phantoms, they try to hunt down Zieglar to figure out how to put Josh's fix into play before they disappear as well.

What do you get when you take a plot that has boatloads of potential and a solid cast and combine that with lukewarm direction and a script that's about as deep as a kiddie pool? Pulse, that's what you get. Honestly, I should have known from all the time it spent languishing in developmental hell that it was doomed from the start. The movie was supposed to start production with Wes Craven on board as writer and director, but he eventually abandoned the project, supposedly due to a disagreement over how his werewolf movie Cursed was handled by Dimension Pictures. Kirsten Dunst had been hired as the film's star, but she ended up quitting to go work on Spider-Man 2. Pulse was even temporarily cancelled because of the studio's belief that it was too similar to The Ring.

Production eventually did commence, and the MPAA handed it an R rating. But no, we can't have an R-rated horror movie, because then it can't be marketed to teenagers. So the cast and crew went back and did re-shoots in order to tone down the movie's more terrifying scenes and acquire a PG-13. This only served to make the movie less scary, and by the time Dimension decided on a release date after bouncing it all over the calendar, Pulse was dead on arrival.
The really disappointing part of Pulse is that there's so many things in it that could go right, but most of them end up going wrong and turn the movie into a less-than-mediocre piece of crap.

What really bogs things down is the screenplay written by Ray Wright. (Wes Craven is credited as a co-writer, but my guess is that's only due to union regulations.) As I stated in the opening paragraph, I wasn't exactly a fan of Kairo. While it had a few creepy visuals, I thought the film was overlong, had little in the way of plot or story, and was thoroughly incomprehensible. Wright does improve upon Kairo by trying to tell some kind of story, but I don't believe that his attempt was all that successful.

One of the big problems with this is that there's no real sense that any time is passing. Does the movie take place over days? Weeks? I just couldn't tell you. It seems almost as if the movie skips from a minor epidemic of suicides to people vanishing into a cloud of black ash to the entire city being almost completely deserted within just a few scenes. Are things moving that quickly? Or is Wright just not very good at establishing a concrete timeline for we the viewer to follow?

Another problem is that Wright's script is absolutely absurd on almost every level. Absurdity can work in some movies, but Pulse is one of those movies where it doesn't. We never really care about any of the characters nor do we ever once feel like we're a part of this world we're presented with, like we're being forced to watch every implausible plot turn without any sort of insight as to why these things happen. Like the explanation for all the red duct tape that keeps popping up. They introduce it with a note from Josh that states, "Keeps them out, don't know why." That's lame. Near the end of the movie, Zieglar reveals that the red tape interferes with the carrier signals of the ghosts, or something like that. That's even lamer. The movie makes less and less sense as the movie goes on, to the point that you're begging the movie to start rolling the end credits just so it'll be over.

Wright also misses a prime opportunity to make a social commentary on how, despite the idea that it could bring people closer together, advances in communication technology are pushing society apart. Why bother talking to someone in person when you can e-mail them or send them an instant message from a thousand miles away? Why go out and interact with people in stores when you can simply get online and have everything you'd ever want, from clothes to entertainment to even pizzas, delivered right to your door?

While this sort of thing is all good and fun in theory, it also runs the risk of severely cutting down on real human interaction. And outside of one throwaway line at the end of the movie, I don't believe Wright really addresses this idea. There are some instances where he gets close, but he doesn't bother to pull the trigger.

Not everything about the movie is as bad as the script, I will admit. I said earlier that the work of first-time director Jim Sonzero was lukewarm, although that may be only due to the whole of the movie not really gelling together. Sonzero's work here is not exactly noteworthy, but there is the occasional flash of brilliance in it. Some of the scares are pulled off very well, and I thought the special effects were really good. I also have to state that Sonzero also does a fine job when it comes to his appropriation of Kairo's best moments. Each of them are excellently done, and Sonzero even adds a memorable moment or two of his own.

He also teams up with director of cinematography Mark Plummer to create a number of great camera angles and shots, as well as utilizing a dreary blue-gray color scheme that works excellently in relating the life being drained out of the world. (Unfortunately, the color scheme also has the disappointing side effect of just making the film more and more depressing as each minute passes.) I must also applaud composer Elia Cmiral for his wonderful score. His use of both music and creepy ambient noise serves to bolster the film's atmosphere, and in a better film, the music would have been absolutely excellent.

The cast, for the most part, does what they can with what they're given. Try as they might, they just can't save this turkey. Rick Gonzalez and Samm Levine are likable despite their roles being both thankless and poorly written, while Jonathan Tucker's role is so minor in terms of screen time that it doesn't really matter how his performance was. Though in Tucker's defense, he wasn't too bad at all.

And despite being known more for her singing career than acting, Christina Milian actually does a halfway decent job. Lost star Ian Somerhalder, our story's male lead, does manage to hold up his share of the work in a performance that might not go on his career highlight reel, but it does get his foot in the door when it comes to doing big Hollywood movies.

The best of the main cast, though, has to be Kristen Bell of Veronica Mars fame. Despite the role being less like Veronica Mars and more like just another horror role meant for a cute blonde actress (see also: Naomi Watts in The Ring; Sarah Michelle Gellar in The Grudge), Bell does as fine a job as can be expected. She's a quite talented actress when it comes to working with good material, but Pulse proves that she can at least chip in a watchable performance when working with awful material as well.

Though as good as Bell is, perhaps the most entertaining offering comes from a quick cameo by Brad Dourif, who diehard horror fans will recognize as the voice of Chucky the killer doll. Dourif has only forty-five seconds of screen time, but he delivers his lines with such enthusiasm that it almost made me wish he had a bigger role in the movie.

And who gave the worst performance? Kel O'Neill, who plays Zieglar. He only has one scene, but his performance is just bad, bad, bad. The character is useless and contributes absolutely nothing to the movie, so I guess O'Neill figured he wouldn't bother. His performance is horrible, and the scene itself completely insults the intelligence of the audience by badly spelling out everything that we've pretty much figured out by the time it happens. The whole thing seems like a big waste.

I think the biggest reasons for Pulse's failure were its horrible script and what appears to be rampant studio interference. Instead of being the exception, the movie was unfortunately the norm because no matter what kind of effort was put into it, Pulse ended up being nothing that hadn't already been done. There's nothing new about the movie, nothing we haven't seen before, nothing that really makes it worth watching more than any other J-Horror remake that has been made over the last decade. If anything, I'd say that had Kiyoshi Kurosawa never made Kairo and Pulse was an original film, it would have promptly been rightfully dismissed as an incredibly cheap hybrid of the infinitely superior movies The Grudge and White Noise.

And while it isn't a complete and total failure, it's pretty darn close. You could do a lot worse than Pulse, but you could do a hell of a lot better too. So I'm going to give Pulse two stars and pray that ghosts don't start crawling out of my computer to get revenge against me for giving this movie a bad review.

Final Rating: **

The Grudge 2 (2006)

I've made it no secret that I think the horror genre's strongest presence this century lies not in the United States, but overseas. Some of the most important, influential horror movies of the last several years have come from Eurasia, particularly Japan and Korea. Perhaps sensing the potential in bringing the J-Horror phenomenon to America, DreamWorks Pictures and director Gore Verbinski teamed up in 2002 to create The Ring, a remake of Hideo Nakata's amazing ghost story Ringu. The Ring was a big fat hit, grossing nearly 250 million dollars worldwide and inspiring other American film studios to start doing their own J-Horror remakes.

One of the more unique of these remakes was The Grudge. Inspired by Takashi Shimizu's Ju-on films, The Grudge stood out from the rest because of the lengths producers Sam Raimi and Rob Tapert were willing to go to keep it faithful to its source material. Shimizu was hired to direct, Takako Fuji was brought back to reprise her role as the film's villain, and the movie was shot with a mostly-Japanese crew in Tokyo. And while critical reaction was mixed, The Grudge scared up 187 million dollars worldwide and Columbia Pictures announced plans for a sequel only three days after its release. With Shimizu and Fuji once again returning to the Ju-on/Grudge franchise, The Grudge 2 hit American theaters on October 13, 2006. I liked the remake, but the sequel, I'm not as enthusiastic about.

Like the other Ju-on/Grudge movies, the movie follows a nonlinear timeline, intertwining three different stories in three different points of the chronology. It gets kind of confusing at times, so bear with me as I try to make sense of them here, for the sake of a somewhat coherent plot synopsis. Okay? Alright.

Our first story occurs mere days after the events of the previous Grudge movie. Karen Davis (Sarah Michelle Gellar) is in a Tokyo hospital, and word of her "accident" has gotten back to her bedridden mother (Joanna Cassidy) in California. Too ill to travel, she commissions Karen's estranged sister Aubrey (Amber Tamblyn) to see what's causing all the problems. Aubrey flies to Japan and arrives at the hospital, discovering that her sister is has been driven completely out of her gourd by what has happened to her.

Karen begs Aubrey to get her out of the hospital, but ends up causing a scene and forcing orderlies to strap her to the bed as her sibling is pushed out of the room. But it's no time until Karen breaks free of her restraints and attempts an escape. She ends up on the roof, but that provides her no shelter from the malevolent spirits that haunt her. This lack of shelter proves fatal, as Karen plummets off the roof and lands on the pavement in front of Aubrey as she leaves the hospital. This tragedy prompts Aubrey to team with a journalist named Eason (Edison Chen) and dig deeper into the supernatural machinations behind Karen's demise. But the deeper they dig, the more they find themselves being stalked by the same ghosts.

Our second story revolves around Allison Fleming (Arielle Kebbel), the new kid at Tokyo's international high school. Her awkwardness makes her an easy target for the cool kids, which is inferred as Vanessa (Teresa Palmer) and Miyuki (Misako Uno) lead her to the charred remains of the house from the previous movie. The pair guide Allison upstairs to a closet door, and tell her that if she can sit in the closet and count to ten, she'll see the ghost of a woman that was murdered and stashed in the crawlspace above the closet. All the kids are doing the closet ten-count, Vanessa and Miyuki say, so since peer pressure is a bitch, Allison reluctantly climbs into the closet and gets to counting.

But if Mean Girls has taught me anything, it's that teenage girls are the most evil people on the planet. I say that because as soon as Allison gets to five, Vanessa and Miyuki slam the closet door and trap their terrified classmate inside. Allison flips out, even more so once she sees the stringy-haired ghost crawling into the closet from the crawlspace above it. She manages to free herself from the closet, and all three girls bolt from the house. However, what was supposed to be a harmless prank evolves into something far worse, as the three girls soon learn that just because they're out of the house doesn't mean they're out of trouble.

And the third story is something a little different, taking us from Tokyo to the windy city of Chicago as a woman named Trish (Jennifer Beals) is moving in with her new husband Bill (Christopher Cousins) and his children. She has no problem getting along with Bill's daughter Lacey (Sarah Roemer) and her best friend Sally (Jenna Dewan), but his son Jake (Matthew Knight) isn't handling the changes all that well. Trish attempts to make nice with Jake, but far more disconcerting things are afoot in their apartment building. Everyone begins acting bizarrely, and the neighbors (Paul Jarrett and Gwenda Lorenzetti) are harboring a creepy stranger who lurks around the building at all hours of the night in a dirty hooded sweatshirt. And a few ghosts have been making appearances in the tenement's shadows too.

All three stories come to a head in the film's climax, as we learn how they are all connected to one another, to the murderous spirits of Kayako Saeki (Takako Fuji) and her son Toshio (Oga Tanaka), and to a curse that can no longer be contained in the land of the rising sun.

Have you ever seen a movie that has all the potential in the world, but fails to capitalize upon it for one reason or another? That's what happened with The Grudge 2. There is some good to be found in the movie, particularly the direction, but it falls flat in quite a few categories. I wanted to like The Grudge 2, I really did, but it seems like the movie came down with a bad case of "sequelitis" and made promises it couldn't keep. Because instead of getting a terrifying horror movie on the level of the others in the Ju-on/Grudge franchise, we instead get a nonsensical exercise in mediocrity on the level of The Ring 2. And that's terrible.

Of all the things wrong with the movie, one of the few things that actually gets it right is Takashi Shimizu's direction. Shimizu must have figured that if the rest of the movie isn't going to be any good, he might as well make it look good. This is the sixth time he's directed a Grudge or Ju-on movie, so you'd figure he'd either be really good at it, or bored out of his skull. I don't know about the latter, but I'm sure he's got the former down. He packs the movie with an amazing atmosphere and creepy, unsettling, and downright bizarre visuals (the girl with the half-gallon of milk, for example), and manages to insert Kayako and Toshio any way he can in order to facilitate a scare. Kayako and Toshio are like evil pissed-off ghost ninjas. They just pop up out of nowhere and spook and/or kill their prey, then vanish just as quickly as they appeared. You know what would have been awesome? If, as a wild plot twist, Mr. Miyagi from The Karate Kid had been the root of all the problems. I know Pat Morita's dead, but there's your angle! He's controlling all this from beyond the grave!

But anyway, back to Shimizu's work and the scares, lots and lots of scares. Whether they're subtle, blatant, or cheap "boo!" scares, they might not be as strong as they could be, but a few of them are still effective. Shimizu and cinematographer Katsumi Yanagishima pair up to create a number of wonderfully framed camera shots from different intriguing angles, and when combined with the great music score composed by Christopher Young, certain scares manage to sneak up on us and raise the fright factor.

However, where the movie starts going downhill is the screenplay penned by Stephen Susco. With three stories being told simultaneously, the movie can become confusing as we bounce back and forth between them. And the more confused we become, the more we begin to withdraw from the movie. If Susco had instead kept the stories separated as three different chapters (similar to the Ju-on movies or a Quentin Tarantino movie), I think the concept would have worked better. But by chopping them up and hopping around from one to another, it's harder to build a level of suspense that encompasses each individual story. It causes the movie to teeter on the brink of incoherence, really hurting any chances the movie had of being any good.

And I have to say that I thought the Aubrey storyline was thoroughly useless. The remake was the paragon of the phrase "less is more," and its simplicity was its strongest point. It merely let the concept — "everyone who enters a haunted house dies" — work up the scares. But by adding all these little details about Kayako's rough childhood, that simplicity is ruined by making things too complex. We don't need to know everything about Kayako's past, other than what caused her to be a ghost in the first place. Why isn't that good enough? Why muck it up with all this unnecessary fluff? And it doesn't help that they brought up some big twist regarding Kayako's mother, then cease to mention it any further once it becomes no longer relevant. If they're just going to drop it at a moment's notice, why even include it to begin with? Sigh... the movie would have been ten times better if this storyline had just been excised and the movie's focus shifted to balancing the remainder.

I didn't have such a problem with the other two storylines. The schoolgirl storyline is straight out of the Ju-on flicks, and outside of the "mean girls pull a prank on an awkward classmate" cliché, I thought it worked. However, of the three, I was most interested in the Chicago story. The idea of Kayako and Toshio crossing the Pacific Ocean is an intriguing one, because it can open up the franchise to a plethora of new victims and setups that might not be readily available in a Japanese setting. (Though I will admit that Kayako appearing in a no-tell motel during the schoolgirl storyline was very neat.) The grudge calling an American apartment building home is definitely a concept I'd like to see reprised in a sequel or two.

And while we're here, let's talk about some things I didn't quite get about the movie. In their storyline, Aubrey and Eason visit an seventy-something exorcist who lives in the middle of nowhere and speaks English fluently. How? Does every senior citizen living in the Japanese countryside speak perfect English? I'm not saying that it's impossible for her to have such a masterful handle on the language, but it seems rather improbable. It's not just The Grudge 2, but it seems like so many movies set in foreign countries have characters that speak English with no problem despite the fact that they probably shouldn't be able to. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3 might suck, but one thing they got right is having a reason why a 14th-century Japanese emperor could speak fluent English.

And another thing I couldn't quite grasp is that it's established that the story of the three schoolgirls is set two years after the events that befell the Davis sisters, so you'd think that the Saeki house more than likely would have been demolished after Karen torched the place at the end of the first movie. Or at the very least, since its owners were dead, it would have been left to either the next of kin, or even defaulted back to the real estate company so they could do something with it. I know the house has to be there (and in surprisingly good structural shape, too!) for the sake of the plot, but you'd think that what's left of a building after it's burned down would be taken care of after a while. If it was, say, two weeks after the fire instead of two years, it would make more sense. But what do I know, I'm not a screenwriter.

Last but not least is the cast. Takako Fuji and Oga Tanaka aren't in roles that are super-challenging, but they and their characters are the most important parts of the movie, and I think they did a great job. Meanwhile, Sarah Michelle Gellar's performance alternates between placid or completely over-the-top insane, with no middle ground amid the two extremes. I guess Gellar figured that since she was only getting roughly five or six minutes of screen time, that she was going to at least do something that would stand out.

And while I normally like Amber Tamblyn's work, I don't believe this will be noted as one of her best performances. She keeps a perpetual sourpuss look on her face, not really showing too big of a difference in happiness, sadness, fear, or confusion. If she had been working as hard as she did on Joan of Arcadia, I might not be complaining. Arielle Kebbel, Matthew Knight, and Edison Chen aren't all that bad, but I didn't believe that any of them really held the screen like they should have. None of the rest of the cast really contribute anything memorable, and I'm sad that Ryo Ishibashi's role in the movie is relegated to a short two-minute cameo. He was one of my favorite parts of the first Grudge, and I think he and his character could have easily been placed in Chen's spot without making too much of a difference.

Maybe I'm being too hard on The Grudge 2. There are some good parts to be found, so if you can enjoy the movie on that alone, it might not be as bad as I'm making it out to be. But I found that the movie's mediocre and bad points outnumber its good ones. As a whole, it isn't all that it could have been. It isn't completely awful, but it almost seems like just a quick way to capitalize on the previous movie's success. All the pieces are there to make a great movie, but it appears only a few of them were put into place. The movie is too long, too complex, and weaker than it should have been. And ultimately, the movie is just kinda there. It's entertaining to a particular degree, if one can get over the flaws that drag it down. So because of that, I'm going to give The Grudge 2 two stars. What a wasted opportunity it was.

Final Rating: **