30 Days of Night (2007)

Vampire stories have been around for centuries. Dating as far back as the 1700s, tales of supernaturally-powered undead beings who imbibe blood for sustenance have become an indelible part of the horror genre and pop culture in general. But by the end of the twentieth century, it was harder and harder to find a truly scary vampire. Joss Whedon and Anne Rice turned them into brooding, brokenhearted, pseudo-Goth sissies with Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Interview with the Vampire, movies like The Lost Boys and Dracula: Dead and Loving It made them comedians, and Wesley Snipes's Blade trilogy transformed them into no-holds-barred action stars. But no matter how they were depicted, they just weren't truly horrifying anymore.

That started to change in 2002, when writer Steve Niles and artist Ben Templesmith created a comic book titled 30 Days of Night. Released by IDW Publishing, the three-issue miniseries was one of IDW's earliest and biggest hits. Its success sparked a handful of sequels and spinoffs, and actually led to a bidding war for the film rights. Sam Raimi came away the big winner, and with Columbia Pictures and Raimi's Ghost House Pictures handling the movie's production, the cinematic adaptation of 30 Days of Night serves notice that vampires are still monsters to be feared.

Welcome to Barrow, Alaska. The northernmost town in the United States, Barrow is preparing for the area's annual month without sunlight. And as part of this preparation, most of the townsfolk are heading south to sunnier climates. Only the bravest people — about 150 of them — choose to remain in Barrow. But while the majority of the town's small population are leaving, one person is doing quite the opposite. A mysterious stranger (Ben Foster) has arrived in Barrow, taunting town sheriff Eben Oleson (Josh Hartnett) with vague yet sinister warnings of a terrible evil whose coming is close at hand.

Little does Eben know just how correct the stranger is. Once the sun sets, Barrow is soon beset upon by a group of vicious, bloodthirsty vampires, whose leader (Danny Huston) has brought them to this isolated location for a month of sunlight-free feeding. They massacre the town, while Eben and his estranged wife Stella (Melissa George) cobble together a small group of survivors and try to make it through the thirty days of night.

I'll admit that I'm not all that much of a vampire connoisseur. I've only seen a small handful of the hundreds of vampire movies that have been made over the years, and by the time I discovered Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel, they'd already been cancelled. But my lack of familiarity with the world of undead bloodsuckers didn't stop me from seeing and loving 30 Days of Night. It's a movie that returns vampires back to being scary, like they should be. These are vampires who are monsters in the purest sense of the word. And after seeing the tortured, thoroughly emo vampires put forth by the aforementioned Joss Whedon and Anne Rice, it's refreshing to see vampires who'll rip your throat out without thinking twice about it. These vampires are not a complicated lot; they exist solely to drink blood and frighten audiences. And because of this straightforward way of handling its villains, 30 Days of Night is a success.

A lot of that success comes from the great direction by David Slade. For someone helming only his second feature film, Slade shows a real knack for how to handle things. His previous film, the very awesome Hard Candy, was all about building tension, and Slade continues that — with even more gusto — in his sophomore venture. The movie is chock full of suspense, which Slade effortlessly maintains throughout the movie. The moments of wild mayhem, such as the scene involving a vampire child, are also handled excellently. Meanwhile, Slade has teamed up with cinematographer Jo Willems to create a visually astounding movie, one whose color palate delicately balances between ultra-gloomy grays and splashes of blood red. The colors set the mood, something further established with Willems's great camerawork.

There are numerous scenes that are memorable, but the true standout scene is the initial massacre of Barrow. Viewing the action from overhead, we slowly move through the streets of Barrow as the legion of vampires drag people out of their homes in order to feast upon them. It's a terrifying scene, one that truly stands out as one of modern horror's scariest moments. With a lesser director, these scenes may not have been pulled off as well as they were. But in the hands of Slade, everything falls nicely into place. Though while the movie's visual atmosphere is great, it may not have been as tense had it not been for the music composed by Brian Reitzell. Well, to be completely honest, it isn't so much music as it is ambient sound, with a few string instruments and a piano thrown in for flavor. It's a very minimalist score, one that makes the movie better through its efforts.

Next up is the screenplay, written by Stuart Beattie, Brian Nelson, and the original comic's writer, Steve Niles. Though there are some minor — and ultimately, inconsequential — differences from the source material, the script stays rather faithful to its inspiration. This faithfulness makes for a much different style of vampire movie, and for a much different style of vampire. Garlic, holy water, stakes, and religious iconography are nowhere to be found. Sharp weapons and sunlight prove to be the only defense against these razor-fanged bloodsuckers, and both are in extremely limited quantity. The vampires also have no interest in the propagation of their species, instead preferring to decapitate victims before they can transform into new members of the vampire race. Such originality allows for an aura of unpredictability, especially if you haven't read the comics. These vampires have a viciousness rarely seen nowadays, made much more frightening by the fact that the stereotypical vampire-fighting techniques aren't even referenced.

The script is also more profound than one might give it credit for. Beneath the movie's frightening surface is a moral dilemma: How do you defeat monsters with no soul without losing a piece of your own? The question is never explicitly stated, but this it's something that does seem to be following the character of Eben. Try as he might to protect the group of survivors, it becomes more and more apparent that a sacrifice might be needed, a sacrifice that would carry a heavy price. This subtle theme puts the movie on a different wavelength than much of its other cinematic brethren, something that helps it stand out amongst them.

Last but not least is the movie's cast, who all put forth strong performances. The small supporting cast — primarily Mark Boone Junior, Mark Rendall, and Manu Bennett — are all quite good. I especially thought Bennet was impressive as a survivor who completely loses his mind after the initial vampire attacks. Amongst the lead cast, Danny Huston and Ben Foster are tremendous in their villainous roles. Huston is believably frightening as the leader of the vampire clan, while Foster is convincing as the sleazy little weasel serving as the herald of impending doom. Matter of fact, Foster gives us probably the best performance in the movie. He's really creepy, and is almost worth the price of admission alone.

But that's not to take anything away from the rest of the cast or the two stars, Josh Hartnett and Melissa George. George is warm, likable, and endearing in a role that requires her to be all of those things. Hartnett, meanwhile, is a credible leading man here. Eben Oleson is not an action hero. He's not John McClane or Indiana Jones, he's just a regular guy. That can also be said of Hartnett, who isn't exactly who you'd call an action star. He plays the character realistically, with a confidence that he could survive, but also with an uncertainty that he actually can survive.

30 Days of Night is a horror movie unlike many of the others released nowadays. It has its fair share of violence and gore, but it also remembers to be scary. Many other horror movies forget that, whether they be teen-friendly PG-13 horror movies or R-rated torture porn. My only real complaint is that the perpetual darkness makes it hard to track the passage of time over the course of the movie. Outside of Hartnett's ever-growing five o'clock shadow, you can't really tell if two hours or two weeks have gone by. Maybe that could be intentional, though. Through the eyes of those trying to survive the vampire holocaust, the thirty days of night may start blending together like it does for us viewers. If that isn't the case... bummer. But never let it be said that 30 Days of Night is not an effective horror movie. Now if they could start making more vampire movies like this, that'd be super.

Final Rating: ****

Vacancy (2007)

There are some questions that humankind just may never truly know the answers to. What is the meaning of life? Does God really exist? What purpose do the plastic caps on the tips of shoelaces serve? Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? And perhaps most importantly, how do those cheap roadside motels stay in business? We've all seen them, those sleazy, flophouse lodges that look so deserted that you'd be surprised if there were anybody there besides the poor fool stuck working the front desk.

Apparently, someone in Hollywood thinks they might be doing something to supplement their income. You would think that drugs would be the most obvious answer, but what if it were something much more sinister? That's the basic plot of Vacancy, a horror movie that's better than you'd expect, given its simple plot and very modest gross at the box office. So let's get started with the review, shall we?

Bickering couple David (Luke Wilson) and Amy Fox (Kate Beckinsale) are traveling the back roads of America when their car breaks down. Stranded in the middle of nowhere and in need of a place to spend the night, David and Amy are forced to hike more than a mile to a lonely motel isolated from the rest of the world. The desk clerk on duty, a creepy little weasel named Mason (Frank Whaley), insists on putting them up in the "honeymoon suite," going as far as to offer them a discounted rate on the room. David and Amy take him up on the offer, only to learn that their room is one of the most disgusting places on the face of the planet.

But because this is a horror movie, it's safe to assume that a filthy motel room will be the least of their worries. David starts going through the stack of unlabelled VHS tapes left in the room, finding not the pornography he was hoping for, but instead what initially appears to be homemade slasher movies. But after David and Amy realize that the movies were filmed in the very same room they've checked into, the ugly truth hits them: the tapes feature recordings of legitimate murders. That's when they discover the video cameras hidden throughout the room, quickly realizing what that means for them. So unless they want to become the stars of the motel's next snuff film, they'll have to find a way to escape the killers who are watching their every move.

Vacancy is an incredibly simplistic movie. It takes place in one small location, with only a tiny handful of characters to push things forward. That's the beauty of it, because Vacancy never tries to be anything more than what it is at its core. It doesn't utilize cheap "boo!" scares or gallons of blood and guts like a lot of horror movies nowadays, but instead seeks to frighten those who watch it by using old-school concepts like atmosphere and suspense. Such an approach sets Vacancy apart from other horror movies, and frankly, it's a better movie because of it.

A lot of that is thanks to director Nimród Antal. The movie has little plot or character development, which ultimately leads to a super-streamlined experience that allows Antal and veteran cinematographer Andrej Sekula to utilize every trick they can think of to scare the pants off their audience. The suspense builds and builds throughout the movie's surprisingly short running time, with Antal using Sekula's excitingly creepy camera angles and compositions to build a moody, claustrophobic atmosphere. The scene where unseen stalkers pound on the doors and walls of the motel room is some downright frightening stuff, for sure, and it's all thanks to the talents of Antal and Sekula. Of course, nearly every good horror movie uses music to further hammer home the frights, and Vacancy is no exception. Composer Paul Haslinger's understated music helps to contribute a constant feeling of dread in addition to the already eerie visuals.

I said in the previous paragraph that the movie is light on plot, character development, all that stuff. And that's true, as the script penned by Mark L. Smith has precious little of those things. But to make up for that, Smith gets us into the action quickly and doesn't let up until the end. The lead characters check into the hotel within the first fifteen minutes, and by the end of the movie's initial half-hour, all hell breaks loose. From there, it's frightening scene after frightening scene.

And though Smith has to resort to a few clichés, like masked killers and unresponsive cell phones, he doesn't fall into any of the horror genre's traps. The script offers very few predictable moments, never letting on just who will live and who will die. Nearly every moment is a surprise, which makes them all the more scary. Even the movie's off-putting abrupt ending works, because even though an epilogue would be accepted, we the viewer can live without it.

And let's not forget the cast, which is quite small. The two lead characters are by themselves for much of the movie, and both of their actors are up to task. Luke Wilson comes across as a likable jerk for the early part of the movie, before he steps up as the take-charge kind of guy you'd expect to see in a horror movie. He does a fine job in the role, though I must admit that I'm not used to seeing him in anything that isn't a comedy.

The other half of the movie's equation, Kate Beckinsale, also puts forth a good performance. Word is that Beckinsale was cast as a replacement for Sarah Jessica Parker, who was originally cast as the movie's female lead. That's a replacement I can get behind, because not only is Beckinsale easier on the eyes than Parker, but she's a better actress than Parker as well. Anyway, Beckinsale's character is kind of a bitch for a good portion of the movie, but she is still very good in the role. Even at her bitchiest, she still makes you care about the character. And even if you don't care for her in the movie, it'd still be fun to cheer for the killers. Watching movies like this and cheering for the killers is part of the fun, right?

Speaking of killers, Frank Whaley's part is a relatively modest one when compared to Wilson and Beckinsale's, but his work here is one of the creepiest horror movie performances in a while. He's downright unsettling when he really gets going, giving off the impression that he'd be what would happen if Ned Flanders from The Simpsons went absolutely insane. And though he's stuck in an incredibly thankless role, Ethan Embry is spooky as a mechanic the lead characters encounter at the beginning of the movie. Though he makes a more menacing contribution to the movie by the end of it, he only has one scene in which he gets to do any actual acting, making his role a glorified cameo more than anything else.

Vacancy clocks in at a brisk 85 minutes, allowing it to get in, have its way with the place, and make a run for it before wearing out its welcome. But it's such a tense, fast-paced experience, you almost don't want it to end. It's suspenseful and scary from start to finish, something quite a few horror movies nowadays can't say they are. It's a real downer that Vacancy didn't make more of a splash at the box office, because movies like this only come along once in a blue moon. The Pinewood Motel might not be the grand successor to the Bates Motel, but I'm sure it will work in a pinch.

Final Rating: ***½

Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon (2007)

Regular readers of my reviews have probably realized that I really like horror movies. And while I enjoy pretty much all types of them, I have a certain affection for the various slasher movies that populated the genre during the '80s. And although there was a slight renaissance after the release of Scream in 1996, slasher movies have effectively become a dying breed. Slasher movies are so few and far between that they've nearly become extinct.

But that's not to say nobody makes them anymore. It's just a matter of finding them. One that's relatively obscure is Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon, a little flick that could be classified as the horror genre's equivalent of This Is Spinal Tap. Behind the Mask was released in a mere seventy-two theaters last year, and the only way you'd have heard of it is if you're a patron of some of the big-name horror movie websites. But its obscurity is in no way indicative of its quality, because it's one heck of a fun movie.

Imagine, if you will, a world in which horror movie villains like Jason Voorhees, Michael Myers, and Freddy Krueger not only exist, but are the most prolific serial killers on the face of the planet. In this world, even psychos like them will inspire people to follow in their footsteps.

One such follower is Leslie Vernon (Nathan Baesel), a wannabe killer who lives on the outskirts of Glen Echo, Maryland. Taking his name from a local urban legend about a killer who fell victim to vigilante justice, Leslie has allowed filmmaker Taylor Gentry (Angela Goethals) and her crew to follow him as he prepares to enter what he calls the "business of fear."

As the movie progresses, Leslie brings the crew along for the ride. He relays the tricks of the trade, such as the intense training regimen he's developed to help him effortlessly chase victims on the run. He gives the crew a tour around his supposed childhood home, an abandoned farmhouse that he's booby-trapped for maximum murdering potential. He introduces them to Eugene (Scott Wilson), a retired killer who Leslie regularly turns to for advice.

He has them accompany him while stalking a young woman named Kelly (Kate Long Johnson), whom Leslie has picked to be his "survivor girl." Taylor and her crew are even privy to Leslie's first tangle with Dr. Halloran (Robert Englund), an incident that Leslie celebrates as the revealing of his "Ahab," the bastion of good that is unrelenting in his quest to end Leslie's rampage. But when the massacre finally gets underway, Taylor and her crew decide they can no longer sit and watch, and must intervene before a group of innocent teenagers are slaughtered.

The thing about horror/comedies is that most of them don't really work. Either they can't find a proper balance between the elements that comprise them, or the straightforward factor that they just plain suck. That isn't the case with Behind the Mask. It's one of those rare blends of horror and humor than actually results in a good movie.

What makes it work is that it's both an amusing satire of genre conventions, and an effective slasher film in its own right. Behind the Mask, unlike many other recent parodies and satires, shows affection for the movies that inspired it. It doesn't wish to mock the movies it makes reference to, but instead pay its respect by giving funny explanations for many of the genre's most enduring tropes and clichés. And as the movie transitions from satire to straightforward slasher movie, it maintains the humor while working in some well-done scares and suspense.

Director Scott Glosserman does a fine job in this, his feature film debut. The documentary-style approach is a novel idea, one that makes for a very entertaining, unique movie. It takes things to a more intimate level, making the viewer part of the action. When the movie actually adopts a more traditional filmmaking style during the final half-hour of the movie, that intimacy remains with fantastic camera work by cinematographer Jaron Presant. His shots are tight and combined with brisk editing, thus helping to create a tense atmosphere that betters the movie.

I also applaud the music composed by Gordy Haab. Music in movies should be used to enhance the visuals they're backing, and Haab's music does exactly that. And whoever had the idea to play "Psycho Killer" by the Talking Heads over the closing credits is an absolute genius. That was a brilliant touch, if I do say so myself.

The screenplay, written by Glosserman and David Stieve, is also quite good. It boasts a sharp wit that makes even the goofiest "wink wink, nudge nudge" gags work. It's a neat concept, a mockumentary offering playful explanations for nearly every slasher movie convention you could think of.

The script also toys with these conventions, using them in ways that are familiar yet unexpected. And though the twist near the end may be somewhat predictable, the viewer is so wrapped up in the movie by that point that it isn't really that big of a deal. It also helps that the script features snappy, intelligent, and humorous dialogue, something you don't really see in slasher movies that aren't named "Scream."

Last but not least is the cast, all of whom are great. But truth be told, with the exception of the two leads and two supporting actors, the rest of the cast gets precious little screen time. It doesn't really matter, since those four are enough to carry the movie.

But let's go with the smaller roles first. Up first is Robert Englund, who channels the spirit of Donald Pleasence in a likable performance. I also thought Zelda Rubenstein of Poltergeist fame did a fine job in her cameo as an exposition-spouting librarian. Kate Long Johnson is humorous, as are Ben Pace and Britain Spellings, who play the documentary's cameraman and sound guy

But we can't forget those other four actors. The two primary supporting actors, Scott Wilson and Bridgett Newton, are incredibly entertaining as Leslie's mentor and his wife. Wilson is amiable yet creepy in the role, while Newton's enthusiastic performance is a pleasure.

The real standouts of the cast, however, are the leads, Nathan Baesel and Angela Goethals. During the documentary portion of the movie, Goethals delivers her dialogue in a stilted, pretentious fashion. It's as if she were imitating every similarly pompous film school documentarian. But once things start going crazy, Goethals changes into a tough, able heroine.

Her effective performance is two sides of the same coin, which is the exact same thing I can say about Baesel. His performance is nothing short of awesome. Playing Leslie Vernon as what would happen if Jim Carrey became a serial killer, Baesel's charming, likable, and funny. But just as Goethals's character goes through a transformation, so does Baesel's. Once he puts on his mask and slips into full killer mode, he becomes scary and intimidating. The layered performance really allows Baesel to steal the entire movie. If you need one reason at all to see Behind the Mask, it's Nathan Baesel.

The year 1992 saw the release of Man Bites Dog, a Belgian mockumentary about a film crew following a serial killer. But while that movie was mostly serious, Behind the Mask is a more light-hearted affair. Sure, it's still a horror movie, but it's one that will put a smile on your face. With a talented cast and an obvious love for the genre, Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon is a movie that's definitely worth your time. As a fan of slasher movies, I definitely approve.

Final Rating: ****

Hatchet (2006)

Everyone has their favorite type of horror movie. Some people are into classic monsters like Dracula and Frankenstein. Others like zombies, or the "demon spawn" movies such as Rosemary's Baby and The Omen. Personally, I've always had a soft spot for slasher movies.

I grew up loving the Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street movies, but unfortunately, they don't make 'em like they used to. Pure, original slasher movies are few and far between nowadays, which is probably why every overeager movie website too full of their own hype goes crazy every time a new one comes out.

A huge example of this can be seen in the movie Hatchet. Written and directed by independent filmmaker Adam Green as a so-called throwback to the slasher flicks of the '80s, Hatchet caused the online horror community to absolutely lose their minds. After premiering at the Tribeca Film Festival in 2006, it spent a year and a half touring the film festival circuit as various online pundits fell over themselves to proclaim it as R-rated horror's almighty savior in a time of PG-13 remakes. And it was even picked up for a theatrical release last fall. Well, it opened in seventy-three theaters, to be exact, in only twenty-seven cities across America. And to tell you the truth, after seeing it, I'm surprised it got a theatrical release at all. Hatchet is a case of hype far outweighing substance, and I'll gladly tell you why.

Having just come off a bad breakup, Ben (Joel David Moore) is dragged down to New Orleans by his best friend Marcus (Deon Richmond) so they can have a little fun at Mardi Gras. All that debauchery isn't exactly Ben's thing, so he talks Marcus into joining him and a group of tourists on a haunted boat ride through the Louisiana bayou.

But when the incompetent tour guide (Parry Shen) accidentally crashes the boat, the group is forced to hike their way back to civilization. Unfortunately, that hike isn't going to be a happy one. It turns out they've become stranded in the domain of Victor Crowley (Kane Hodder), a deformed brute who calls the swamp his home. Stuck with no safe way out, the tourists are picked off one by one as they try to survive the wrath of a psychopathic killer.

Hatchet is a movie with some potential, but the problem is that with all the potential in the world doesn't guarantee that your movie will be any good. See, I really don't understand all the love that Hatchet has gotten online. The truth of the matter is that this movie is, at its core, a generic direct-to-video movie that got lucky. This is supposed to be the saving grace of R-rated horror? Yeah, right.

While I will admit that the movie does show a certain affection for the genre, it does nothing to advance it. It's practically a compilation of awful attempts at duplicating every slasher trope and cliché imaginable, with some bad jokes and moderately acceptable special effects thrown in for flavor. Hatchet brings absolutely nothing new to the realm of slasher movies, which is a wee bit ironic when you consider that the Marilyn Manson song "This Is The New Shit" plays over the opening and closing credits.

For the most part, this is the fault of Adam Green's screenplay. Seriously, what is this crap? It's like Green was so focused on creating the next great horror icon that he actually forgot to write a good movie. Sure, he might have thought up some imaginative kills, but Green hasn't come up with anything else that's any good. Most of the dialogue is lame, and the jokes are hit-or-miss (mostly miss). It almost makes you feel sorry for the cast, since they're the ones that have to deliver these embarrassing lines.

And it's not supported by the fact that the characters are the same lame stereotypes you've seen so many times before. There's the nerdy guy, the token black guy, the nosy older couple, the girl who knows exactly what's going on, the sleazy pervert, the two slutty bimbos, the guy who does something incredibly stupid and gets everyone else in trouble, and the monstrous serial killer whose origin story has become a local campfire legend. I know this is supposed to be a love letter to the cheesy slasher flicks of the '80s, but is it too much to ask for characters that rise above the usual tired clichés?

But since slasher movies are more about visual flair than their scripts, you might easily assume that Green's direction would make up for his lackluster writing. But you'd be assuming incorrectly, because the direction is spotty at best. There are some extremely brief flashes of brilliance, but the majority of the time, Green makes it look like anybody with a month or two of film school training could have put this movie together.

Like with the jokes, the majority of the scares don't really work. There are a few that are good, but most of them are predictable or just plain lame. There also isn't very much tension or suspense (if there's any at all), and it eventually becomes obvious that we're just being strung along from one kill to the next. And since the killing doesn't start until over halfway through the movie (not counting the opening scene, that is), we're stuck biding our time until something remotely interesting happens.

It doesn't help that Will Barratt's cinematography is so murky, that it's a struggle to see what's going on for most of the movie. In a movie where the cast is getting hacked to pieces, wouldn't you want the audience to see that? But judging by how dark everything is, my guess is that either Barratt has no clue what a cinematographer is supposed to do, or Hatchet's budget was so low that they couldn't afford to buy any lights.

Maybe it's for the best, because the special effects designed by genre veteran John Carl Buechler are merely adequate, and the poor lighting could cover up any flaws. The effects aren't too bad, I guess, but it's a little off-putting to see blood squirting like someone was shooting it from a spritz bottle.

The music composed by Andy Garfield left a lot to be desired as well. It's just way too generic for its own good, and that's when you can hear it. You can't even tell there's music playing most of the time, though I guess it's better than having it turned up to eleven and making the audience go deaf.

Last up is the cast, and the good performances amongst them are rare. I should say, though, that I did like Joel David Moore and Parry Shen. I enjoyed both of them, and if somebody could work them into a Hatchet sequel, that's be great.

Unfortunately, I can't really pay the same compliments to the rest of the cast. Deon Richmond might not have been too bad if he hadn't been overacting so badly, while Tamara Feldman, who plays the movie's Final Girl, is just plain awful. Feldman delivers her lines like she's has no clue what she's doing. At one point, she's required to defuse an argument by saying the line, "Victor Crowley is real." The scene is written poorly enough as it is, but when it comes time to say the line, Feldman blurts the line out as fast as she can. It's like her terrible acting and Green's terrible writing were made for each other.

I guess I should also point out that Green apparently decided that casting notable names from the horror genre would score him points with the audience. Robert Englund, Tony Todd, the aforementioned John Carl Buechler, and Joshua Leonard from The Blair Witch Project all have brief cameos, while Kane Hodder plays the killer and Mercedes McNab from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel plays one of the two perpetually topless airheads along for the tour through the swamp.

Casting them may have been a ploy to get attention from the genre faithful, but it works, because I can't say that any of them are actually bad. Englund, Todd, Buechler, and Leonard are funny in their quick cameos, while McNab alternates between annoying and mildly entertaining.

And then there's Kane Hodder, who you may know from his appearances as Jason in the seventh, eighth, ninth, and tenth Friday the 13th movies. Playing a character like this is nothing new to Hodder, but since Victor Crowley is a much weaker villain than Jason, it makes it feel like he's just playing the role on auto-pilot. It's a shame, really.

In spite of all the claims about Hatchet's originality, it's really nothing you haven't seen done better in a million other horror movies. This is basically Adam Green's lazy attempt at making a clone of any random Friday the 13th movie. All we're missing here is a summer camp. And pointing out Hatchet's laziness is probably the worst thing I can say about it. It seems like Green spent so much time patting himself on the back, saying what an awesome movie Hatchet was and how Victor Crowley is going to be a new horror icon on par with Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees, that he just ended up churning out some overrated excuse for a slasher movie.

And what's really bad is that somewhere along the line, Hatchet starts to lose its own identity. It's like the movie doesn't know whether it's a straight horror movie, or a spoof of them. As a parody, it's not all that great, but it's somewhat acceptable, I guess. In that aspect, it's at least a tiny bit better than the crap we've been getting from the Scary Movie franchise and all those other parodies. If it's a straight horror movie, then it's a pitiful excuse for one, thanks to the bad acting, the atrocious script, the cheap production values, and the disappointing lack of effective scares. And if it's an attempt to create another slasher renaissance, it's an astoundingly miserable failure. If I want to watch a slasher movie that both lampoons and reveres the genre, I'll go dust off my DVD of Scream. Because the final truth is that I'd rather watch a good movie, instead of this.

Final Rating: **

The Burning (1981)

In a number of my previous reviews, I've spoken at length about a particular type of horror movie known as the slasher film. These tales of terror were all the rage back in the 1980s, many of them trying desperately to emulate the success of trailblazing movies like Halloween and Friday the 13th. Dozens upon dozens were released during the better part of the decade, the majority of them falling into one of two categories: they're either set during a holiday or some other special occasion, or it took place at some secluded location out in the woods.

And although nearly all of these movies fell into relative obscurity, quite a few have developed their own devoted fan followings. One is The Burning, an early slasher movie that has earned the affection of nearly every genre fan who has seen it. It helped launch the careers of a few well-known actors, got the ball rolling for Miramax Films, and further established Tom Savini as one of horror's premier makeup effects wizards. And folks, The Burning is one of the best slasher movies out there.

Our tale of terror centers around Cropsy (Lou David), the caretaker at a summer camp named Camp Blackwood. He isn't exactly the most popular person, mainly because he's a mean old drunk that treats everyone he encounters like crap. And due to his rather foul disposition, four campers conspire to put him in his place by scaring him with a rotting skull and some candles. The prank unfortunately goes awry, with Cropsy ending up engulfed in flames. He does survive, albeit with horrific burns covering the majority of his body.

Five years pass, but time has done absolutely nothing to heal Cropsy's physical or psychological wounds. Numerous skin grafts have been unsuccessful, and the hospital is ultimately forced to discharge him after deciding that they can do nothing else for him. But while his burns may have left him with hideous scars, they have also left him with revenge on his mind and hatred in his heart. Cropsy heads for Camp Stonewater, a summer camp not far from where the since-demolished Camp Blackfoot once stood. And armed with a set of gardening shears, Cropsy plans on butchering any poor soul who is unfortunate enough to cross his path.

When I first got hooked up to the Internet back in 1998, one of the first places I ended up was a message board dedicated to the Friday the 13th franchise and horror movies in general. And of all the Friday the 13th clones that would be discussed in that forum, one of the most frequently mentioned was The Burning. An oft-cited — and until its official DVD release last year, oft-bootlegged — entry into the slasher genre, The Burning was a movie that I kept hearing about over and over again for a good number of years.

But while I consider myself a fan of slasher movies in general, it would be a decade from when I first heard about it before I actually saw this notorious cult classic. And if you ask me, I think it lived up to its reputation. The Burning is not only one of the better Friday the 13th clones out there, but one of the best underground films of the '80s.

First and foremost, let's tackle the direction by Tony Maylam. Slasher movies don't necessarily require any sort of flash or pizazz when it comes to direction, outside of what is needed to build atmosphere. However, Maylam brings a certain stylistic flair to The Burning. With Harvey Harrison handling the cinematography, Maylam blends well-handled "killer's point-of-view" shots (a genre cliché if there ever was one) with slick camera angles, moody nighttime lighting, and other tricks that really help set The Burning apart from the other Friday the 13th clones released at the same time.

It also helps that Maylam's direction is backed up by the electronica-based music composed by Rick Wakeman, keyboardist for British prog-rock band Yes. Though its sound is seemingly typical of horror movies in the late-'70s and early-'80s, Wakeman's score is intense, suspenseful, and supports the movie well. Well, all except the banjo music near the beginning of the movie. I thought it felt really awkward and out of place. Banjo music doesn't really scream out horror movies nor summer camps in western New York, does it? Not to me, it doesn't.

Next up is the screenplay, written by Peter Lawrence and Bob Weinstein from a story by Maylam, Brad Grey, and co-producer Harvey Weinstein. Yes, you read that right. Bob and Harvey Weinstein, founders of Miramax Films and Dimension Films, were the creative forces behind The Burning. I'm not a hundred percent sure of the facts, but I'm pretty sure that The Burning is one of Miramax's earliest movies. It's weird how things turn out. But anyway, about the script. Believe it or not, it's actually pretty decent. It's never going to win any sort of awards or anything like that, but when compared to a lot of other slasher movies from the '80s, The Burning's script holds up well. The characters are likable, which is a nice plus.

And another plus is that the script actually gives Cropsy sufficient motivation for his actions. Sure, he might be killing innocent people at a summer camp completely unrelated to where he had his accident, but you'd probably feel like stabbing people too if some punk kids set you on fire. But that's the weird thing: pretty much all of his victims are innocent of any wrongdoing. Most slasher movies feature a cast of characters who you just can't wait to see get mutilated. But among The Burning's characters, just about everyone is likable. I'm sure everyone knows the golden rule of slasher movies: sex equals death. And to that end, only two characters are guilty of breaking that rule. Of course, they get it in the end, but everyone else? They did nothing to deserve Cropsy's wrath. And that lack of discrimination between the innocent and the guilty only serves to make him an even more frightening villain.

Another odd thing I noticed is the glaring lack of a defined "Final Girl." A long-standing tradition in the pantheon of slasher movies, Final Girls are that one chaste girl that finds herself thrust into mortal combat with the killer in the movie's climax, a tormented young woman who will be the last person standing when the credits roll. But there is no Final Girl in The Burning, not in the conventional sense. Instead, there is a Final Boy, played by Brian Backer. And truth be told, he's kind of a putz. He's weird, a little creepy, and kinda hard to buy as a Final Person. He doesn't have the same kind of presence as notable Final Girls like Heather Langenkamp in A Nightmare on Elm Street, Jamie Lee Curtis's numerous Final Girls, or even the only truly memorable Final Boy, Corey Feldman in Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter. But then again, the character does have some sympathetic qualities that would have made it a real bummer if he died, so while he might not be a true Final Person, at least he's close.

Since we're talking about the characters, let's follow it up with the cast. Since this is a slasher movie, you can expect two things: hammy acting and actors in their twenties playing teenagers. Sure, some of the cast looks believably young, but there are a few instances where it's hard to tell the difference between the campers and the counselors. But no matter, there's still some good performances to be found here. One in particular is Jason Alexander, who would go on to greater fame as George Costanza on Seinfeld. Though this is his first movie, his comedic timing really shows. The levity he brings elevates the movie, and looking back, you can definitely see traces of what would become George Costanza in his performance here.

Brian Matthews also brought forth a good performance as Camp Stonewater's head counselor. He plays the role with intensity, but in such a way that makes him charming. I also liked Ned Eisenberg and Larry Joshua as the resident sarcastic joker and skirt-chasing bully, respectively. The rest of the cast, though, aren't exactly memorable. It's not they're bad, but you're not really going to look back and remember anything about the performances by the plethora of nobodies that make up at least half of The Burning's cast.

The real star of the show, however, is Tom Savini's special makeup effects. Savini was already a big name in the horror industry by the time he signed on to do The Burning, but his work here is some of his most talked-about efforts. The movie was hacked to bits by the MPAA to secure an R rating, but in its unrated form, Savini's work shines in all its gory glory. Savini's effects make the kill scenes so violent that it's almost hard to watch them.

And I would be remiss if I didn't speak of the raft scene. One of the most famous scenes in the history of slasher movies, it elevates Cropsy from your average everyday psycho killer to a near-equal of Jason Voorhees or Michael Myers. It is a slasher movie at its most ferocious, as Cropsy manages to take out five people in the span of about forty-five seconds. And he doesn't just kill them, he chops them up into little pieces. The enduring popularity of this scene among slasher movie fans is a testament to Savini's fantastic work.

Slasher movies from the '80s are notorious for giving many big-name actors their starts. Tom Hanks, George Clooney, Jamie Lee Curtis, Kevin Bacon, Johnny Depp, Vanna White, and Patricia Arquette all appeared in slasher movies early in their careers. But I think The Burning may hold some kind of genre record for the most up-and-comers involved in a slasher movie. The cast features Jason Alexander, Fisher Stevens from Short Circuit, Brian Backer from Fast Times at Ridgemont High, and Academy Award winner Holly Hunter; editor Jack Sholder would later direct a few notable entries in the horror genre (the most famous being A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge); co-writers Bob and Harvey Weinstein are now huge names in the industry; and co-writer Brad Grey became a big-shot movie and television producer who now works as the CEO of Paramount Pictures. But back in 1981, they were all a bunch of nobodies who came together to create a horror movie that's evolved into a cult classic. The Burning isn't the most famous slasher movie, but as far as the multitude of Friday the 13th clones go, it's one of the most unique and one of the best. It's definitely a must-see for fans of slasher cinema, and I can't recommend it enough. If you want

Final Rating: ***½