Transformers (2007)

I've never made my affection for the 1980s a secret. I'm still a sucker for the cartoons and toy lines of the decade, but one I never particularly got into as a kid was Hasbro's Transformers. Based on two separate Japanese toylines, the Transformers were a huge success, thanks to the Marvel comic book and the immensely popular animated cartoon. Although the Transformers have been around in some form or fashion since their creation in 1984, their popularity cooled significantly as the '80s ended. But they were brought headlong into the new millennium by Paramount Pictures and Michael Bay with a live-action motion picture. And while the diehard Transformers fans seemed to find any tiny little thing to complain about when the movie was released in 2007, it wasn't that bad.

The star of the show is Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf), a dorky teenager who's looking to buy his first car. Though he'd wanted something newer, all he's able to afford is a beat-up '76 Camaro. But Sam still tries making the most of it, offering rides to resident hottie Mikaela Banes (Megan Fox) and trying to win her over. But when the car starts behaving erratically, Sam learns that it actually isn't a car at all, but really a robot from another planet.

The robot, named Bumblebee, is in truth an advance scout for the Autobots, a small army of similar robots who are able to disguise themselves as human vehicles. The Autobots arrive on Earth soon after Sam discovers Bumblebee's true nature, and reveal just who they are to him. They have come to the planet to protect Sam from the malevolent Decepticons, another army of robots who have been warring with the Autobots for centuries.

Optimus Prime (the voice of Peter Cullen), the leader of the Autobots, reveals to Sam that he unknowingly holds the key to finding a powerful energy source known as the AllSpark. If the Autobots can obtain it, they will be able to revive their war-ravaged planet. But if it were to fall into the hands of the Decepticons, there would be dire consequences. Sam and Mikaela find themselves stuck in the crossfire of this new iteration of the war, which has drawn the attention of Sector Seven, a secret government agency that views Transformers both good and evil as a threat to national security.

Transformers fans were quick to proclaim that the franchise had been ruined forever with the release of the movie. But really, it's just that they were upset because Michael Bay played with his toys differently than they did. I mean, how dare Bay make a feature-length toy commercial that didn't live up to their unreachable standards? The way they talked, you'd think that Transformers was the worst movie ever made. But it's not as bad as they'd lead you to believe. It's not going to be considered an all-time classic, but it's one of those summer blockbusters that are way more fun that they should be.

Look up "style over substance" in the dictionary, and you'll see a list of Michael Bay's movies. Transformers is no different. But you don't really need a lot of substance in a movie about giant robots from outer space that come to Earth and fight each other. And that's what makes Bay perfect to direct this movie. The movie is basically a 143-minute toy commercial, so why not get a director known more for flash and pizzazz than anything else? I mean, if you want a guy to make a movie with emphasis on action, explosions, special effects, and not much else, Bay definitely the guy for you.

Bay isn't exactly known for making good movies. But the guy's got style in spades, and because of that, Transformers at least looks cool. The special effects are amazing, and frankly, I thought the cinematography was fantastic. The movie looks gorgeous at the very least. And the action scenes are actually really cool, really exciting. It's nothing revolutionary, nothing we haven't seen a bazillion times from Bay, but for Transformers, it works.

It's a shame that the script, written by Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman, is kinda lackluster, though. There are so many scenes and elements that could have been excised from the script — or removed by Bay during the editing process — that wouldn't have been missed. Did we really need every single one those scenes with the soldiers? Did we really need the subplot with the hackers trying to decode some Decepticon transmission? (Considering that none of the characters from that subplot not only disappear with no payoff near the end of the movie but aren't in the sequels, I'm gonna say no.) They could have established the government's awareness of the Transformers a lot more smoothly than that. If they'd kept it to just the "Sector Seven" thing, they'd have been alright. And did we absolutely have to have that scene where Sam locks his parents out of his bedroom as he looks for a clue for the AllSpark's location and his parents ask if he as diddling himself. The scene was protracted for way too friggin' long and accomplished absolutely nothing. If all the unnecessary fluff had been removed either by Orci and Kurtzman or by Bay, then the movie wouldn't have been two and a half hours long. They could have reined it in at a more tolerable two hours.

Last on my list is the cast, who are okay. Not great, not awful, but okay. I did like Shia LaBeouf, who turns in as good a performance as he can despite the character being written with too many silly, over-the-top moments. The guy is a lot of fun with the right material, and in the instances where Orci and Kurtzman didn't run off the rails with the character, LaBeouf is pretty good. I also really liked John Turturro, who plays the leader of Sector Seven. I usually enjoy Turturro's work anyway, but here, he's particularly funny.

I just wish that I could say that Megan Fox was as good as LaBeouf and Turturro. This was her first big role, and in retrospect, it probably should have been her only big role. We'd have been saved from Jennifer's Body if she hadn't been so overexposed following the success of Transformers. And I don't know why people made such a big deal out of her anyway, considering she's an absolutely dreadful actress. Outside of being pretty, Fox brings nothing to the table. I know that the only reason she's even in the movie at all is because of her looks, but aren't there any good-looking actresses out there with actual talent? There has to be, right? I know it's about four years too late to change it, but geez, there had to have been someone who auditioned for the role of Mikaela who was better than Fox.

At least they made up for it by bringing in Peter Cullen to once again voice Optimus Prime. I was never a fan of the Transformers cartoon, but Cullen's work as Optimus was something that I always thought was awesome. He makes the character sound authoritative yet heroic, just like you'd imagine Optimus should sound. Outside of the distinctive transforming sound effect, Cullen's voice is probably the most famous part of the Transformers franchise, and it's easy to understand why.

Transformers isn't a great movie, but it's most certainly a fun one. And really, being entertaining is all you need sometimes. I'm not going to be one of those guys who cries foul because the movie wasn't what I wanted. I don't have those nostalgic "warm fuzzies" for the Transformers that other people do, so I'm gonna say yeah, I liked the movie. Now if only they hadn't made Revenge of the Fallen...

Final Rating: ***