But thank goodness we currently live in a day and age where "retro" is cool. Why else would New Kids on the Block record a new album? What else would have caused Pepsi to start selling "throwback" sodas or VH1's I Love The... nostalgia shows to be so popular? Thanks to this, Stallone got back into making movies that hearkened back to his heyday in the '80s. He gave us the sixth Rocky movie and the fourth Rambo movie, then figured he'd go one step further and directed The Expendables. Itself a throwback to those old-school action flicks, Stallone and an ensemble cast of action stars from the past and the present assembled together to create what more than a few people have nicknamed "Testosterone: The Motion Picture." And oh man, it's as awesome as I could have ever hoped it would be.
The heroes of this particular adventure are the titular Expendables, a team of elite mercenaries led by Barney Ross (Stallone). As the movie begins, a mysterious man calling himself "Mr. Church" (Bruce Willis) has hired the Expendables to overthrow the dictator of Vilena, a small island nation in the Gulf of Mexico. Barney and his right-hand man, Lee Christmas (Jason Statham), head to Vilena to do some recon work and meet their contact, a local woman named Sandra (Gisele Itié). Things end up going awry, and though Barney and Christmas escape, Sandra is taken into custody.
It wasn't a total loss, though. During their reconnaissance, they learned that Vilena's dictator, General Garza (David Zayas), is under the thumb of James Munroe (Eric Roberts), a rogue CIA operative who has been manipulating Garza in order to control the drug trade. Convinced that Mr. Church himself is a CIA operative who's hired them to do the agency's dirty work, Barney realizes that the job is probably a suicide mission. But knowing that Sandra will certainly be killed, he and the Expendables head for Vilena to kick all kinds of ass and save the day.
If you look back fondly on those old-school action flicks, then The Expendables is the movie for you. It's a movie specifically dedicated to shooting guns, swinging knives, getting into fistfights and car chases, and making things explode. It is, quite frankly, a celebration of everything that is awesome about action movies and being a man in general. The only thing missing is the old Cannon Films logo, but then the movie would have been too awesome.
Stallone's direction isn't bad at all, but I could have done with his occasional usage of the fast editing and shaky cinematography that the Bourne trilogy made so popular. That sort of filmmaking technique seems inauthentic if you're trying to hearken back to the old-school action flicks of the '80s. The same can be said for the CGI blood that seems so prevalent in The Expendables. I'll just come right out and say that I hate CGI blood in movies like this. If it's absolutely impossible to do it practically, that's okay; I can live with that. But when you have the opportunity to do it practically, why not do so? It might be low-tech, but at least it looks believable. The CGI blood was a rather annoying distraction, when the use of squibs wouldn't have been a problem at all.
But other than those complaints, I can't think of anything other negative thing to say about Stallone's direction. He lets things run wild, as his action scenes are exciting and entertaining, even in spite of any apparent flaws. Knock the movie all you want, but as a fan of action movies, I thought he made it fun as hell. Even the soundtrack gets in on the act, with Brian Tyler's score and songs from Thin Lizzy, the Georgia Satellites, Mountain, and Creedence Clearwater Revival adding to the entertainment.
And the script? Do movies like this even need one? Written by Stallone and David Callaham, the movie's plot is your basic action-adventure thing, with no deeper meaning or anything like that. And if the movie is intended to be a throwback to old-school genre movies, there's nothing wrong with that. My only problem with the script is the lack of cheesy one-liners for the heroes to spout off. Even the worst '80s action movies would have at least one. But instead, Stallone and Callaham eschew this, and I can't say I know why. It's a real shame, too. I mean, Arnold Schwarzenegger has a cameo in the movie, and they couldn't even work in "I'll be back" for old times' sake?
In front of the camera is an ensemble cast of action movie stars from the past and present, along with others who've made names for themselves as badasses. Let's take a look at it: Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Mickey Rourke, former UFC champion Randy Couture, and pro wrestling legend Steve Austin all play important parts, while Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis appear in cameo roles. If Stallone could have talked Jean-Claude Van Damme, Steven Seagal, and Wesley Snipes into being in the movie, the casting would have been perfect.
But of the ensemble cast, only a few of them get to shine. Stallone and Statham end up with what seems to be the bulk of the screen time for the Expendables, and both of them are great. I especially liked Statham, whose work I always end up enjoying anyway. Eric Roberts is also quite good as our villain du jour, and even though he plays sleazebags on TV shows and in movies pretty much all the time, he's pretty darn good at it. And as the female lead whose role isn't as important as it could be (a character seen in practically every '80s action movie), Gisele Itié was okay. I'm just bummed that they cast Charisma Carpenter as Statham's character's girlfriend and only gave her two scenes. How do you cast Charisma Carpenter and only give her two scenes? Aren't there laws about that? If not, there should be.
The Expendables is one of those movies that a review won't do justice. You need to see it to understand just how awesome it is. It's two hours of awesome that is so manly that just watching the trailers and TV commercials for The Expendables could make a few women pregnant. I actually had to go home and watch The Time Traveler's Wife after a screening of it so I wouldn't overdose on testosterone. It's that kind of movie. Yes, it's flawed, but it's still one hell of a fun ride. And thus The Expendables gets four stars and a proud seal of approval. If you have a masculine bone in your body, you owe it to yourself to see this movie. Do it now. Seriously.
Final Rating: ****
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