Machete (2010)

When Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez teamed up to create Grindhouse, they probably didn't expect it to be a box office flop. Their ode to the exploitation double features of the '70s did poorly during its theatrical run in 2007, but the majority of those who saw it loved it.

A lot of people, including myself, would go on to say that the four fake movie trailers in Grindhouse were the best parts of the whole thing. Some were even clamoring to see them turned into real, feature-length movies. They've gotten their wish, in a sense, as Rodriguez has done just that with his fake trailer, a "Mexploitation" action movie titled Machete. A glorious cavalcade of action and B-movie silliness, Machete is a ton of fun that shouldn't be missed.

The story focuses on Machete Cortez (Danny Trejo), a former Mexican federale who now roams Texas working as a day laborer. One day, he's approached by Michael Booth (Jeff Fahey), who explains to Machete that corrupt state senator John McLaughlin (Robert De Niro) is deporting illegal immigrants at an alarming rate. Because the drop in cheap labor is bad for Texan businesses, Senator McLaughlin has got to go. To accomplish this, Booth will pay Machete $150,000 in cash to assassinate the senator at an upcoming rally in Austin.

Machete hesitantly accepts the job, only so he can give the money to Luz (Michelle Rodriguez), whose catering truck hides her position as leader of "The Network," a well-connected group dedicated to helping Mexicans get across the border and start new lives in America. However, before he can pull the trigger, Booth double-crosses him by ratting him out to the police. It turns out the whole thing was a setup to paint Machete as a crazed gunman and gain support for Senator McLaughlin's reelection campaign and his proposed electric fence across the border. Said fence would allow Booth the chance to corner the market on drugs being funneled into the country by Mexican drug lord Torrez (Steven Seagal), the man who killed Machete's wife and daughter three years earlier.

Now a wanted fugitive, Machete is placed in the crosshairs of Agent Sartana Rivera (Jessica Alba), a persistent Immigrations and Customs Enforcement officer charged with arresting him and bringing down the Network. He must convince Sartana of the truth, while at the same time rally Luz and the Network behind him if he is to have his revenge against Booth and Torrez.

Upon reflection, I'm beginning to think that this summer was made for self-aware genre movies. Last month saw The Expendables and Piranha 3D revel in their own cheesiness, and now we have Machete doing the same. It's the kind of movie that knows nobody is taking it seriously, and decides it wants to be in on the joke too. Machete never tries to be more than what it is: a two-hour love letter to both exploitation movies and its leading man, one of the best character actors in Hollywood today.

Though I fully expected Robert Rodriguez, the "one-man film crew" himself, to have sole directorial credit, he shares it with co-director Ethan Maniquis. I don't know who directed which parts of the movie or if it was a collaborative effort all the way through, but Rodriguez and Maniquis do an excellent job. The movie looks awesome, with cool cinematography that is very evocative of the style of movie it's trying to be. The soundtrack from Rodriguez's band Chingon is pretty rockin' as well, giving off the perfect vibe for the movie. If any movie score from 2010 needs to be available for purchase, it's Chingon's Machete score. I'd buy it on 8-track if I had to.

And for saying's sake, I appreciated that Rodriguez and Maniquis didn't overdo the stylized film damage that Rodriguez put to almost excessive use in Planet Terror and the fake Machete trailer. A little bit of it appears during the opening sequence (which is very awesome, I might add), but after the opening credits, it's nowhere to be found. I was expecting it and would have been okay with a bit here or a bit there, but I'm grateful for its absence. It would have probably been a distraction. I mean, I'd have hated for something cool to be lost under a bunch of fake film grain and jarring jump cuts.

Rodriguez wasn't alone as a writer either, teaming up with his cousin Álvaro Rodriguez to create Machete's script. Go back and read my plot synopsis, and if it sounds like there's a lot going on, there is. I actually left out at least a third of the movie's subplots and half of the characters worth mentioning. There's a ton of stuff going on in the movie, but I guess that's to be expected. I've heard quite a few of these type of movies were like that, and with Machete's ensemble cast, it makes sense.

And I'm not quite sure what to think about the political statement the movie tries making. I wanted to see Danny Trejo kicking a bunch of ass, not a ham-fisted social commentary about illegal immigration. I mean, did we really need a scene where Jessica Alba gives some lame rallying speech that ends up referencing the "Plymouth Rock" scene from Malcolm X ("We didn't cross the border; the border crossed us!")? And was there a need for that trailer referencing Arizona's crackdown on illegal aliens that was released online back on Cinco de Mayo? Serious political discussion has no purpose in a movie like this. Yeah, blaxploitation movies may have had African-American characters sticking it to their Caucasian oppressors, but the movies weren't up their own asses with it. However, the Rodriguez cousins seem to be aware of when they started getting preachy and pull it back whenever it started getting annoying. So at least there was that.

But I don't want to worry about politics, I just want to enjoy a movie. That shouldn't be too hard, either, as Machete is not only a lot of fun, but boasts an awesome cast. In the title role of Machete is Danny Trejo, a character actor who's finally getting the star treatment he deserves. I've enjoyed Trejo in every movie I've ever seen him in, and Machete is no exception. He doesn't have much dialogue, but he's so awesome that he doesn't need it. Why talk when you can kick ass? He's absolutely perfect, and I hope this means more higher-profile work for Trejo.

But we can't forget the rest of the cast, either. Our quartet of bad guys — Jeff Fahey, Robert De Niro, Steven Seagal, and Don Johnson — are all fantastic. Fahey is wonderfully over-the-top in his part, while De Niro is good for a laugh in practically every scene he's in. Johnson is actually a little intimidating at times as a murderous border-patrolling vigilante, though I'm a little sad they didn't hire Philip Michael Thomas to play a member of his character's gang. And though it's weird seeing Seagal play against type as a villain, he does so like he was born to play the part.

Among those Machete calls allies, I liked Michelle Rodriguez a lot. I don't think I've ever seen her play a "girly girl," but it's probably because she plays a badass so well. If she turned up as the female lead in a romantic comedy, I'd be waiting for her to start a fistfight with someone. But as good as Rodriguez is, Jessica Alba is very bad. I've been critical of her acting ability (or lack thereof) more than once in the past, and Machete once again gives me the opportunity to say that just because she's cute doesn't mean she can act. She's awful here, and I wish people would quit hiring her to be in their movies. Being "eye candy" will only get you so far.

Cheech Marin turns up too, playing Machete's brother, a priest who may have surpassed Father McGruder from Peter Jackson's Dead Alive as the most badass servant of God ever captured on film. Marin is extremely funny here, making his scenes better through his sheer presence alone.

And how can I forget the human train wreck, Lindsay Lohan? She plays Booth's daughter, and I'm sure the role had to be a real stretch for her. What would Lohan know about being a drug addict with crappy parents who's had naked pictures of herself posted on the Internet? In all seriousness, it's cool to see that she's willing to play a blatant parody of herself, and though I've never been impressed with her acting ability, she does manage to illicit a chuckle here and there during the movie.

If you see Machete, you need to know exactly what you're getting yourself into. It's an utterly shameless spectacle of violence, humor, and downright coolness. You heard it here: Machete is one awesome flick. If you like action movies and having a good time, go see this movie. It's worth the time and money. I'm going to give it four stars and a "Sutton at the Movies" seal of approval. I must admit, though, that as I left the theater, I wished that either Werewolf Women of the S.S., Don't, or Thanksgiving had been made into a full-length movie too. I mean, is it so wrong to have hoped for Grindhouse 2?

Final Rating: ***½