In my previous review, I spoke of how Marvel Comics teamed with CBS in the '70s to create a number of live-action television projects based on Marvel's characters. And with the exception of The Incredible Hulk, none of them really turned out that well. Of particular note was the movie based on Captain America, which was not only boring, but just a poor adaptation of the character in general. It was awful, but the ratings had to have been decent because they made a sequel. Let me repeat that:
THEY MADE A SEQUEL.
Yes, CBS actually did run a sequel to that piece of crap. Broadcast just ten months after the first one, Captain America II: Death Too Soon was proof positive that its makers didn't learn their lesson from the first movie, because it's awful. The thing is a downright poor excuse for a movie, and if Marvel ever wanted to pretend it never existed, I wouldn't stand in their way.
Steve Rogers (Reb Brown) has set up shop as a caricaturist on the beach boardwalk of a small town on the California coast, continuing to help his fellow man as the masked hero "Captain America." But the muggers and purse-snatchers he's been fending off lately will be nothing compared to what he'll soon be up against. An international terrorist named General Miguel (Christopher Lee) has gotten his hands on a chemical weapon that can greatly accelerate the aging process in its victims. With it, he plans on holding Portland, Oregon hostage for a hefty ransom. And it's naturally up to Captain America to save the day.
I don't know how the first movie performed in the ratings, but I guess it must have done well enough for CBS and Marvel to make a sequel. It's either that or they wanted to test the waters with a second pilot to see if there was sufficient interest in the property continuing as a series. A Captain America TV show never came to fruition, and judging by these two movies, I'm glad for it. The show probably would have been cancelled after a few episodes anyway.
At the helm is Ivan Nagy, whose only other notable credits are a few episodes of Starsky & Hutch and CHiPs (and judging by the names of some of the movies listed his IMDB profile, a whole bunch of porn too). While some things have been improved for this sequel, particularly Captain America's ugly costume from the first movie having been altered to something more closely resembling his comic book uniform, it's readily apparent that Nagy doesn't feel the need to try spicing things up. Sure, the costume is a step in the right direction and the fight scenes aren't as ridiculously goofy as they were the first time around, but there isn't much of a difference in the direction. And really, if you've seen one bad '70s action-themed television show, you've pretty much seen them all.
But let's move on to the script, penned by Patricia Payne and veteran TV writer Wilton Schiller. While the plot is better constructed and the dialogue is a very slight step up from the first movie, it's still an unbelievably silly mess. And Payne and Schiller must not have been able to come up with a script that was long enough, because the movie is padded with scenes that either do not accomplish anything or go on for far too long. Seriously, did that hang gliding sequence need to take up three minutes of the movie? CBS could have taken a commercial break there and come back without missing anything.
Payne and Schiller have at least tried turning in something better than the first movie, but the improvements are slight at best. It seems like they could have turned out a better script if they'd had longer than a few months to write it, and if it hadn't been a sequel to a crappy movie. If it'd been an original movie based on an original character, perhaps Payne and Schiller could have stepped it up a little. But nope, we're stuck with this. Sigh.
And bringing up the rear is our cast, the performances from whom are pretty much exactly the same. Barely anything has changed at all. I could probably copy-and-paste the paragraph from my other review into this space. Reb Brown does seem a bit livelier than he was previously, but the guy is still way too calm. Not once did I hear him even so much as raise his voice. Come on, Reb! I've seen some of your other movies, I know that's not like you! I'd much rather see the Reb Brown that screams and wildly opens fire with a machine gun. The movie still would have been awful, but it would have been a lot more fun.
The rest of the cast is sadly but expectedly unremarkable. (Geez, it feels like I'm writing the same review twice.) But I must make mention of the actor playing our villain, the one and only Christopher Lee. Yes, the same Christopher Lee that appeared in The Man with the Golden Gun, the Star Wars prequels, the Lord of the Rings trilogy, and as Count Dracula in the legendary "Hammer Horror" films. And why he's appearing in this, I have no idea. He's better than this; he always has been. Lee is actually pretty good here, though the material is beneath him. It's just a shame that the role wasn't written better, because had Lee's character been a more proactive villain, it would have been a lot more awesome.
I can't even begin to understand why somebody thought it was a good idea to make this movie, let alone air it on national television. Even if it does try to slightly improve upon the crap that was the first movie, you can only try polishing a turd so much. But I'm actually a little sad that both movies have fallen into obscurity, because this kind of silliness needs to be seen by as wide an audience as possible. More people need to see what bad superhero movies can look like, so they can appreciate the good ones. So yeah, I'm going to give Captain America II: Death Too Soon one star on the scale. And as cheesy as some of his action movies might be, I still want to see Reb Brown in the Expendables sequel. That'd be awesome.
Final Rating: *
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