Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Machete Kills (2013)

While Grindhouse, Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino's throwback to the B-movie double features of the 1970s, might have flopped during its theatrical run in 2007, it still proved popular with those who actually saw it. And while its fans are still divided over whether Rodriguez's Planet Terror or Tarantino's Death Proof was Grindhouse's better segment, one thing everyone agreed upon is that the fake trailers during Grindhouse were all awesome.

Those who loved Grindhouse have been clamoring for these trailers to be turned into feature-length movies, and while we're still waiting to see if anything will ever be done with Rob Zombie's Werewolf Women of the S.S., Edgar Wright's Don't, and Eli Roth's Thanksgiving, Rodriguez had no problem indulging fans with an expanded version of his trailer for Machete in 2010. I had mixed feelings about the movie, but when its ending promised two sequels ― Machete Kills and Machete Kills Again ― I knew I'd have to see them. So now that Machete Kills has actually been released, I was front row center and loved every second of it.

Since the end of the first movie, notorious warrior Machete Cortez (Danny Trejo) has fought the good fight, helping his government agent partner Sartana Rivera (Jessica Alba) combat the meanest criminals they can find. The movie begins with Machete and Sartana attempting to break up an illegal gun trade between the military and a drug cartel, but things go sour when a band of mercenaries arrive and seize the guns for themselves, killing Sartana in the process.

A devastated Machete is taken into custody by the police, but is set free when he's contacted by the President of the United States. President Rathcock (Charlie Sheen) needs Machete to eliminate Marcos Mendez (Demián Bichir), a Mexican revolutionary who's somehow acquired a nuclear warhead and has it pointed directly at the White House. Though his heart is still broken after Sartana's death, Machete accepts and is dropped into Acapulco.

He eventually finds his way to Mendez, but discovers that his quarry has wired the warhead's trigger to his own heartbeat. If he dies, the missile the warhead is attached to will fire. This forces Machete to improvise and kidnap Mendez rather than kill him as ordered, making a mad dash to the Mexican/American border so he can find the one person who can deactivate the trigger. Mendez throws a wrench into the mix, however, by sending out word that he's placed a multimillion-dollar bounty on both their heads.

With news of the bounty spreading across Mexico and parts of Texas, Machete and Mendez find themselves being chased by cops, a man-hating madam (Sofia Vergara) and her band of gun-toting prostitutes, and a shapeshifting hitman called El Camaléon (played by Walter Goggins, Cuba Gooding Jr., Lady Gaga, and Antonio Banderas at various points). As Machete frantically races them towards the border, they're intercepted by Luther Voz (Mel Gibson), a psychotic arms manufacturer who's been secretly sponsoring Mendez's activities. Mendez was only one small part of his big picture, as Voz has plans for nuclear weapons to be detonated around the world and eliminate the human race, while he and a few wealthy survivors find safety upon an orbiting space station. And nuking Earth is simply not something Machete will tolerate.

Machete Kills is a silly, silly movie. It's absolutely jam-packed with a camp lunacy that makes the movie impossibly hard to take seriously. And it is, without a doubt, some of the most fun I've had in a theater this year. Machete Kills eschews all the dull political commentary from the first movie and instead focuses on just being entertaining. And while the movie may have bombed at the box office, it's still totally worth checking out.

Robert Rodriguez returns to once again direct Machete into battle, and I thought he did an awesome job with it. The movie is fast-paced and exciting, never slowing down or allowing the audience any chance to get bored. Rodriguez also aims to make the movie as campy as it is action-packed, and this tongue-in-cheek tone makes it easy to forgive some of the movie's shortcomings. Some of the special effects look a little fake and there are a handful of shots where the actors are obviously in front of a green screen, but Machete Kills is so goofy that there's no way it can't be intentional. Rodriguez knows exactly what kind of movie he's making here, and those who aren't on the same wavelength sadly won't get the joke.

The script, meanwhile, is just as silly. Credited to Kyle Ward from a story by Robert and Marcel Rodriguez, the script is full of goofy dialogue, ludicrous scenes and setups, and a tone that dares you to try and not have fun. I got the feeling, though, that Ward and the Rodriguezes have kinda lost sight of the whole concept of homaging and paying tribute to '70s action exploitation movies, having ventured into some bizarre form of parody. There's nothing wrong with that, especially since Machete Kills is all kinds of awesome, but I do wonder how the movie turned out had it actually been serious.

However, the overall comedic nature of the movie allows the cast to contribute some entertaining performances. Everyone gets the chance to overact and ham it up like they might never be able to again. Michelle Rodriguez reprises her role from the first movie and plays it like a total badass (which honestly isn't much of a stretch for Rodriguez anymore, since it seems like the only kind of character she ever plays), while Amber Heard does a fine job in her role as a bitchy secret agent undercover as a beauty queen. Of the four different actors playing El Camaléon, Cuba Gooding Jr. and Antonio Banderas make the biggest impressions with their hilarious appearances. I was also a bit worried about how Lady Gaga would turn out, considering that she's not an actress and I'm not a big fan of hers anyway, but she turned out fine. She didn't ruin the movie and the material wasn't anything beyond her capabilities, so I can't complain.

Demián Bichir, however, actually ended up being kinda forgettable. His character has a split personality, allowing him to simultaneously play an insane megalomaniac and a peaceful freedom fighter, and Bichir plays both parts well enough. He just didn't really make that big an impact. At least he was better than Sofia Vergara here. Vergara's character is pretty much useless, and her performance ― which basically amounts to her screaming her dialogue with either anger or annoyance ― is just plain awful. And to contribute a truly crappy bit of acting in a movie like this is really saying something.

There are a few very positive standouts here, though. One is Charlie Sheen, who is humorously credited as his real name, Carlos Estevez. Sheen has spent the last few years essentially parodying himself in light of his whole cocaine-fueled "winning" meltdown in 2011, and his performance in Machete Kills doesn't seem to be very different. If the character's campaign ad during the movie or the scene where it's revealed that he's sharing a bed with half a dozen scantly-clad women don't convince you of that, nothing will. But Sheen can be a very funny actor when he wants to be, and Machete Kills allows him to cut loose and have some fun. Both the character and the movie are actually better for it.

I can almost say the same thing about Mel Gibson, who (much like Sheen) practically flushed his career down the toilet thanks to some embarrassing mistakes a few years ago. I don't know if Machete Kills is really the way he'll be able to redeem himself, but he does do some fine work as the movie's resident supervillain. Gibson approaches it seriously at times and overacts like crazy at others, but it suits the role well. Gibson is quite good here, and makes a decent foil for our hero.

Speaking of our hero, I could theoretically copy and paste my thoughts regarding Danny Trejo from the first movie into this review, but that would just be lazy on my part. Trejo hands in what is basically the same thing he did the first time around, but he doesn't really need to change anything. Trejo is a fantastic tough guy, playing Machete with just the right amount of testosterone and attitude. There's really no other actor who I believe could pull off the role this well, simply because Trejo is that good.

Judging by its piss-poor box office numbers, you probably haven't seen Machete Kills. That's a real shame, because I was hoping the movie would have been a big enough hit to inspire more like it. But regardless of how much money it makes or loses, Machete Kills is still a tremendously entertaining movie that's worth seeing. Movies like this are not for everybody, and it honestly might not appeal to you. It's right up my alley, though, and I sincerely hope that Rodriguez makes that third Machete movie. Because if they don't make Machete Kills Again based off that fake trailer at the beginning of the movie, I'll be very upset.

Final Rating: ***½

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