Jackass Forever (2022)

When it was released in 2002, I assumed that Jackass: The Movie was going to be their grand finale, where they'd finally be able to do all the ridiculous R-rated shenanigans that they wouldn't have been able to air on their MTV show before riding off into the sunset. But here we are, over two decades since the show began, talking about the fourth in a line of Jackass movies. (Or even the fifth, if you want to count Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa in there.) It's been twelve years since we last saw this group of weirdos and daredevils in Jackass 3D, and I honestly thought that we'd never see them in this capacity again. But considering how weird the last two or three years have been, nothing should really surprise me anymore.

But there are a few surprises out there, and some of them are in Jackass Forever. Much of the original gang — Johnny Knoxville, Steve-O, Chris Pontius, Dave England, "Danger Ehren" McGhehey, Preston Lacy, and Jason "Wee-Man" Acuña  — are back for more, and they've brought along newbies Sean "Poopies" McInerney, Zach Holmes, Jasper Dolphin, Rachel Wolfson, and Eric Manaka to help them out. The whole group of daredevils are here to perform more of the dangerous, outrageous, and sometimes disgusting stunts that we know and love Jackass for. And truth be told, some of these stunts are taken to a much higher, sometimes scarier degree than we've seen from them in the past.

I can't quite put my finger on it, but I don't really know if this particular movie was quite as funny as what we've seen in the past. Yeah, it's got some moments that are laugh-out-loud hilarious, but they didn't feel as if they came as often as what we might've seen in the first three Jackass movies or the TV show. I honestly spent more time worrying about the cast's safety than I did laughing. Seeing Johnny Knoxville strapped to a stretcher and carted to a waiting ambulance with broken bones and a concussion, or briefly catching a glimpse of Steve-O with his arm in a sling (from a stunt that didn't even make it into the final cut of the movie!) seem more scary than they might've been twenty years ago when Jackass first got started. And then there's the fact that you can only see someone get hit in the testicles so many times before the humor wears off, right?

Some of the stunts are them recreating bits from the show and first movie but amped up to a more extreme degree, for better or worse. A lot of times, it just comes off like they're just doing things that were funnier earlier. It's like the kid in school who gets a laugh out of something, and keeps doing it over and over until you're tired of it.

The group's passion for their work and the camaraderie between them is more than evident, which makes a lot of the movie just as heartwarming as it is funny and gross. But at the same time, the absences of Bam Margera and the late Ryan Dunn are definitely felt here, and I didn't feel like the rookies made quite as big an impact as they could've. Rachel Wolfson in particular barely feels like she's in the movie at all, beyond two or three scenes. Zach Holmes and Poopies (what an unfortunate nickname that is!) seem to be given more than the rest, though I'd have really liked to see more of the whole group of them rather than just once in a while.

There's some genuinely funny moments to be had in Jackass Forever, especially if you're already a fan. And there's plenty of silliness to be found as well. But something about it just didn't feel the same as it used to. Maybe the time for Jackass has finally passed? I don't know if I'm the one to say that, and I won't lie, I'd totally see a fifth movie if they made one. But there's just something about this particular one that feels like it's missing, and I don't really know what it is. Maybe Jackass is funnier in my memory? But I'd probably just recommend Jackass Forever to the hardcore fans, and that's it. If you're not a fan, this probably won't convert you. And the haunting thing? I could probably see them doing this all again in another ten years. God help them if we ever see Jackass 5.

Final Rating: **½

Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979)

Should all the varying factions of nerd and geek culture ever go to war, the final battle would be waged by two groups: Star Trek fans and Star Wars fans. And in the event of this ultimate confrontation, I'm going to side with Star Trek. I've never been one of those "dress in a Starfleet uniform and learn Klingon" type of hardcore Trekkers, but I've proudly enjoyed Star Trek since I was a kid. It started with Star Trek: The Next Generation when I was five years old and it's stuck with me ever since.

But long before any of the TV spinoffs and J.J. Abrams's blockbusters, there were only the original adventures of Captain Kirk and the USS Enterprise. Despite the pop culture impact it's had over the last several decades, the classic series aired on CBS for a mere three seasons between 1966 and 1969. Despite its short life span, it developed a devoted following even back then. It found new life in syndication, and inspired a similarly short-lived Saturday morning cartoon that ran for only 22 episodes during the early '70s. But it didn't come back in a truly big way until the release of Star Trek: The Motion Picture in 1979. The Star Trek franchise would grow by leaps and bounds in the years afterwards, but its initial foray into the cinematic realm would be more of a stumble on the road of bigger and better things. If I may be frank, Star Trek: The Motion Picture is just plain dull.

A massive cloud of energy is heading directly for Earth, destroying everything in its path. The Enterprise is tasked with intercepting and investigating this cloud, despite its crew not having worked out all the kinks from its recent refitting. Seeing the opportunity to break away from his boring desk job, Admiral James Kirk (William Shatner) asserts his authority and takes command of the vessel, forcing the Enterprise's new captain, William Decker (Stephen Collins), into the secondary role of "executive officer." Reunited with his ship and much of his old crew, Admiral Kirk sets out to determine just what the hell this cloud is. But the crew of the Enterprise finds itself unprepared when it encounters the being controlling the cloud, a mysterious entity calling itself "V'Ger."

Star Trek: The Motion Picture is one of those movies that, on paper, look like it could turn out very well. And there are some elements of it that I enjoyed quite a bit. But on the whole, the movie could have been a lot better. You know that whole stigma about the odd-numbered Star Trek movies being lame? That all starts right here. While it's not outright terrible, it suffers from a potential for greatness that simply went untapped.

Helming this initial cinematic voyage of the Enterprise is the late Robert Wise, directing one of the last movies of his long and storied career. Wise's direction is solid, but the movie suffers from having spent too little time in the editing room. No matter whether you watch the original theatrical version or the extended "director's cut," Star Trek: The Motion Picture is an overlong chore of a movie that spends more time spinning its wheels than anything else. It desperately wants to be some kind of bold, almost operatic epic. But it just lurches along with not a lot of excitement or reason to care. The problem is that a lot of the movie is boring. You could honestly cut ten or fifteen minutes out of the movie and absolutely nothing would be lost. I know this movie has its fans and defenders, but I honestly don't get it. There are some honestly cool, intriguing moments, don't get me wrong, but they're so few and far between that I often found myself losing interest.

The movie's script doesn't help anything either, but there's a heck of a story behind that. It was announced in 1977 that Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry began developing Star Trek: Phase II, a continuation of the original series that would have aired on a new network called the Paramount Television Service. Neither Phase II nor the Paramount Television Service ever saw the light of day, but after the success of Close Encounters of the Third Kind, the script that Alan Dean Foster had written for Phase II's pilot was rewritten by Harold Livingston and became the script for the movie. And you can definitely tell this is a TV script that had been extended to feature length, because there's what feels like an awful lot of padding.

The movie has some plot threads that are either underdeveloped or simply go nowhere. For example, the Kirk/Deckard rivalry and Deckard's relationship with Ilia could have both been further elaborated upon. The script doesn't do much with either and until the movie's climax, they aren't even wholly relevant to the plot. It honestly feels like something that could have covered over several episodes or even an entire season of a TV show. But we end up with this hot mess instead.

Even the cast isn't given a whole lot to do. Most of the actors remain in the background and are unimportant, while Stephen Collins is just kinda there. Meanwhile, Persis Khambatta is boring and lifeless. Her character is transformed from a flesh-and-blood person into an emotionless synthetic duplicate halfway through the movie, and there's absolutely no change in her acting style. They could have swapped her out with a mannequin and nobody would have noticed.

But the actors returning from the TV show all provide fun performances. Nobody has or ever will accuse William Shatner of being a master thespian, but I've always enjoyed his portrayals of Captain Kirk. He doesn't have the best material to work with here, but he still does a damn good job. The same can be said for Leonard Nimoy as Spock, while DeForest Kelley is fun as always as the irascible Bones McCoy.

There's a great Star Trek story lying beneath the surface of this movie. It's just handled in a way that makes the movie ungodly boring. As much as I like Star Trek, I spent the entire movie wondering if there was anything else I could be doing instead. It does have the occasional flash brilliance, and you can see that there's something deep in here. But it's not approached in the best way. I'm no sci-fi expect and I'm not the guy to ask how to improve it. And besides, after thirty-four years, what can you do? I mean, at least the Star Trek movies would get better from here, right?

Final Rating: **

G.I. Joe: The Movie (1987)

The FCC had strict regulations governing television's commercial content prior to the '80s. But when said regulations were eliminated, it not only saw the rise of the infomercial, but toy companies started cranking out a ton of cartoons made to advertise their products. These animated toy commercials started trickling onto TV sets in 1983, but really hit full force when those regulations were eliminated the following year. It got so out of control that even cartoons that weren't based on toys had toy lines that were almost more popular than the shows.

Some of these toy-inspired cartoons actually had a tremendous impact on pop culture, though. One of the more famous ones has to be G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero, based on the Hasbro toys of the same name. The "G.I. Joe" brand has been around since 1964, initially a series of 12-inch soldier dolls that gave rise to the term "action figure." But the 12-inch figures have long been overshadowed by the "Real American Hero" line, Hasbro's 1982 relaunch of G.I. Joe that shrank them down to 3¾-inch figures as a means of rivaling the Star Wars toys.

The relaunch was immediately followed by a long-running comic book published by Marvel, and eventually made the transition into animation with two five-part miniseries that aired in 1983 and 1984. The cartoon was picked up as a series in 1985, running for 95 episodes. It was a smashing success, and elements of it continue to be part of the pop culture lexicon.

The show proved to be successful enough that it was spun off into a movie, the third animated Hasbro property to be produced by Sunbow Productions and Toei Animation during the mid-'80s. But after the box office failures of the My Little Pony and Transformers movies in 1986, G.I. Joe: The Movie was delayed a year and released direct to video and edited to air as episodes of the show. And really, if it weren't for the popularity of the show and the toys, I don't know if it would have been released at all.

As the movie begins, the terrorist organization known as Cobra is in a state of disarray. Cobra Commander (Chris Latta) and Serpentor (Dick Gautier) are at one another's throats, each blaming the other for Cobra's continued failures. Their argument is put on hold, however, when a mysterious woman breaks into their headquarters. She reveals herself as Pythona (Jennifer Darling), an emissary for a secret civilization known as Cobra-La. At her urging, Serpentor leads a charge to steal G.I. Joe's latest weapon, an energy device known as the Broadcast Energy Transmitter.

Serpentor leads a team of Cobra troops into the Himalayas, where G.I. Joe is testing the device. The Joes prove victorious and capture Serpentor in the process, while Cobra Commando and the remaining Cobra troops flee to a hidden valley where they arrive in Cobra-La, which they find to be populated by snake-like mutants that have existed since before the Ice Age. Cobra-La's ruler, the maniacal Golobulus (Burgess Meredith), has Cobra Commander imprisoned and sets into motion a plan to acquire the Broadcast Energy Transmitter and conquer the world. G.I. Joe catches wind of this, and with the help of a new crop of rookie Joes and a special squad led by Sgt. Slaughter (Bob Remus, the pro wrestler known as "Sgt. Slaughter"), they set out to prevent Golobulus's plan from coming to fruition.

I have to admit that G.I. Joe is one of the few cartoon/toy line packages I actually wasn't into during the '80s. I had a couple of the action figures and thought the cartoon had a cool theme song, but outside of that, G.I. Joe wasn't my scene. The first time I'd actually seen this movie was today. I wish I'd seen it earlier, though, because G.I. Joe: The Movie is a hell of a lot of fun.

Part of that is due to how good the animation is. The movie was animated by Toei Animation, who also handled the animated Transformers movie. I legitimately didn't like the animation in the Transformers movie, but G.I. Joe saw a big step up in quality. I honestly thought that their animation here was fantastic. It's really well done, really gorgeous stuff. It sucked me in and made every frame worth seeing. The first three minutes alone — an outrageous action sequence set to a remix of the show's theme song — is one of the most awesome things I've ever seen. It made me feel like I was six years old again, sitting in front of my TV on a Saturday morning watching cartoon battles between good and evil. It's an awesome moment, and the movie never goes downhill from there.

The script, meanwhile, is only okay. Credited to Ron Friedman, the script is light on story and substantial character development. All it does is give us setups for action sequences and brief character conflict to push forward what little plot there is. The whole thing is inconsequential, and as fun as the movie is, that's no big deal. I'm totally okay with the script being so light.

There are a few things about the script I wanted to talk about, though. One is a scene near the beginning where practically every member of Cobra pretty much calls out Cobra Commander for being an ineffectual ninny, a scene that I thought was great. Cobra Commander really was a useless leader, to the point that "Cobra, retreat!" was practically his catchphrase. Nearly every villain from '80s cartoons was like that, so it was fun to see one get told about it.

I also have to point out my dislike of the new Joe recruits. Yeah, they were probably included to sell more toys, like how the animated transformers movie introduced a ton of new characters for the next phase of Hasbro's toy line. But G.I. Joe: The Movie doesn't try cramming a ton of them down your throat. The only problem is that only one of them really has anything to do, and they're all a bunch of turds. And that one guy who speaks in nothing but sports metaphors is one of the lamest, most annoying characters I've ever seen in any movie whether it's live action or animated. It made me happy to find out that it was nearly twenty-five years until he ever appeared in any other G.I. Joe property.

And every other review I've read of G.I. Joe: The Movie mentions this, so I might as well do it too. The movie was actually going to feature the character Duke getting killed by Serpentor. But the choice was made to cancel that after Optimus Prime's death was met with tremendous backlash. And apparently the only way they could change it is by throwing in a few lines recorded in post-production about how he'd fallen into a coma and eventually pulled through. If they were actually going to leave the scene in and have it be his last appearance in the movie, why not just let him die?

And last but not least is the voice acting, which I thought was wonderful. I liked everyone who lent their voices to the movie, but I'm only going to point out the highlights. Burgess Meredith makes Golobulus a great villain, giving him a threatening sound despite the character looking kinda goofy. I also thought Don Johnson and Bob "Sgt. Slaughter" Remus made fine contributions, despite Johnson's character being written as a total douchebag and Remus having little to do.

Of the cast members who reprise their roles from the televised cartoon, Chris Latta and Michael Bell are really fun as Cobra Commander and Duke. Latta gives Cobra Commander the same voice he gave Starscream on the Transformers cartoon, a voice that I thought was silly yet oddly entertaining. And Bell provides Duke with an authoritative voice that you'd expect from a proud soldier like Duke. Hearing him boldly proclaim "Yo Joe!" at the top of his lungs is enough to make even someone who isn't regularly a G.I. Joe fan like myself excited.

But to sum up this whole review, I liked G.I. Joe: The Movie more than I expected to when I went in. It makes me wish I'd been into G.I. Joe when I was little, because I'd have loved it back then. Maybe when I can go back and fix that after they invent time travel. Until then, all I can do is wish I'd jumped onboard sooner. G.I. Joe: The Movie is 93 minutes of pure awesome entertainment. Yo Joe!

Final Rating: ***½

Jackass 3D (2010)

Hollywood just gets out of control sometimes, especially when it comes to milking something successful. I mean, how many 3D movies have been released lately, especially after the success of Avatar? It's getting to the point that just about any movie will be made in 3D nowadays, including the movie I'm reviewing right now, Jackass 3D. Yes, you read that title right. Not only did someone decide to make a third Jackass movie, but they made it in 3D. I'd ask why, but I'm afraid someone would tell me the answer.

Following in the footsteps of the TV show and movies that preceded it, Jackass 3D sees the nine usual suspects — Johnny Knoxville, Bam Margera, Ryan Dunn, Steve-O, Chris Pontius, Dave England, Ehren McGhehey, Preston Lacy, and Jason "Wee Man" Acuña — engaging in stunts, pranks, and practical jokes that are dangerous, disgusting, and depraved. And it's all in glorious 3D!

When MTV first started airing the Jackass TV show ten years ago, I didn't think that we'd still be talking about it a decade later. But here we are in the year 2010, talking about the third Jackass movie. Even as a fan of the franchise, I'm still flabbergasted that it inspired one movie, let alone a whole trilogy. Who'd have ever thought it?

Though Jackass 3D has plenty of gross-out gags and awkward male nudity, it's actually tamer than you might expect. A lot of it simply goes back to the roots of the show, which saw the crew simply putting themselves in harm's way, putting strangers into Candid Camera-style situations, and generally being jackasses. And all of it is as funny as a Jackass fan could hope for.

Like the show and the first two movies, not every segment works. Did we really need the bit where Bam Margera gives us a wiener's-eye-view while he pees on people? Or the segment where a pig eats an apple that's wedged between Preston Lacy's butt-cheeks? How about Johnny Knoxville dressed as Santa, sitting in the top of a tree that's being cut down? Yeah, they're good for a laugh, but not a lot of them. The rest of the movie makes up for it, though, by being as outrageous as the Jackasses have always been. You could argue that it's just more of the same from them, but sometimes more of the same is still pretty good.

But did the movie really need to be in 3D? Probably not. There's actually a few scenes that are still 2D. But the scenes that put the 3D to good use are even funnier because of it. The 3D puts you right in the middle of the segments, which only makes them more gross when bodily fluids come flying at the camera and funnier when you realize that's probably the reaction they were going for in the first place.

You know exactly what you're getting out of a movie titled "Jackass 3D." If you're a fan of the franchise, you'll get a kick out of it. If you aren't, then you probably won't be seeing it anyway. Personally, I got exactly what I wanted out of the movie: a good time. Jackass 3D was a heck of a lot of fun that earns a solid three and a half stars on the usual scale. Happy tenth anniversary, Jackass, and thanks for the schadenfreude.

Final Rating: ***½

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie (1996)

Most geeks have a certain television show that they're drawn to before all others. Some have Star Trek, Doctor Who, or Battlestar Galactica. Others have the shows created by Joss Whedon. As for me, my drug of choice is Mystery Science Theater 3000.

The brainchild of comedian Joel Hodgson, MST3K begain airing on Minnesota TV station KTMA in 1988. It was picked up only a year later by the cable channel that would one day be known as Comedy Central, before its cancellation forced its move to the Sci-Fi Channel in 1997.

Though the show was ultimately cancelled for good in 1999, it continues to maintain a faithful cult following. The show's popularity through the '90s was noticed by Hollywood, and the Universal Studios subsidiary Gramercy Pictures released Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie on April 19, 1996. Though the movie does have some flaws, it is a valiant effort by the MST3K crew.

The plot of the movie follows the show's concept rather closely. Mad scientist Dr. Clayton Forrester (Trace Beaulieu) has trapped Mike Nelson (Michael J. Nelson) aboard the Satellite of Love, a space station orbiting Earth. Dr. Forrester subjects Mike to a number of bad B-movies in an effort to drive him insane, hoping that he can find the perfect bad movie to use as a weapon in his plans for world domination.

But helping Mike keep his sanity are his three robot associates: Gypsy (the voice of Jim Mallon), who pilots the Satellite of Love, and Tom Servo (the voice of Kevin Murphy) and Crow T. Robot (the voice of Trace Beaulieu), who accompany Mike into each movie. The movie they'll be watching here is the 1955 sci-fi flick This Island Earth, starring Rex Reason and Jeff Morrow. Though Dr. Forrester intends for This Island Earth to break their wills, Mike, Crow, and Servo entertain themselves by mercilessly mocking the movie.

If you've seen an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000, then you'll have an idea of what to expect from the movie. The only odd thing is that at 73 minutes, it's actually shorter than your average episode of the television show. Yeah, no kidding. That had to be some kind of studio mandate, because I'm sure they could have easily filled two hours. But I don't think Gramercy Pictures ever had any faith whatsoever in the movie, since they only released it in 26 theaters at its widest. Why even bother putting the movie in theaters at all? But problems or no problems, the MST3K crew manages to be at the top of their game with some of the funniest gags they've ever done.

Since there's no real reason to talk about direction or music or acting or anything like that, unless I wanted to turn this into a review of This Island Earth, I'm going to skip all the formalities and go right to discussing the writing. Credited to Michael J. Nelson, Trace Beaulieu, Kevin Murphy, Jim Mallon, Mary Jo Pehl, Paul Chaplin, and Bridget Jones, the script takes a little time to get rolling. Once it finally hits its stride, it's hilarious. The jokes don't come as fast and as furious as they would on a regular episode of the TV show (perhaps due to executive meddling?), but that doesn't make them any less funny. I'll confess that some of the jokes do fall flat, and there are a few moments of extended silence in the commentary. But I found the flaws to be outweighed by all the gold the jokes produce.

I first found Mystery Science Theater 3000 when I was around 11 or 12 years old, and I was immediately hooked. I spent every Saturday parked in front of the television, eagerly anticipating whatever lame movie the crew would be watching. The show can probably be thanked (or blamed) for helping shape the snarky sense of humor I have today. (And it's because of MST3K that I often feel the need to crack jokes during bad movies or TV shows.) In spite of the failure that was its theatrical run, their movie definitely some of the best work that its crew have ever produced. So for that, I'll give it four stars, leaning towards five, along with my own personal seal of approval. If I had to rank it alongside the best episodes from the show, I'm not quite sure where exactly I'd place it. But it'd be close to the top, for sure.

Final Rating: ****

The Transformers: The Movie (1986)

I was born in that awkward grey area where I could be labelled as among the youngest members of "Generation X," or among the oldest members of "Generation Y." Because of that, I like to refer to myself as belonging to "Generation X½." And I could be a little biased, but the Gen X½'ers around my age had the coolest childhoods ever. The toys were cooler, the TV shows were cooler, the movies were cooler, and the cartoons were cooler. And thanks to Ronald Reagan, we were the first to see a new way products were marketed to kids.

Prior to the '80s, the Federal Communications Commission strictly regulated how things were advertised to youngsters. But in 1984, the FCC decided to open the floodgates and do away with most of their restrictions. Thanks to this, toy manufacturers started making their own cartoons based on their products. Soon we were seeing cartoon versions of G.I. Joe, Masters of the Universe, M.A.S.K., the Care Bears, Rainbow Brite, Strawberry Shortcake, and countless others. And let's not forget one of the more memorable ones, the Transformers.

The creation of Hasbro, the Transformers began as a series of action figures before transitioning to their own popular syndicated cartoon not long after the FCC dropped their restrictions. The cartoon even inspired a movie, appropriately titled The Transformers: The Movie. It was the second animated movie released in the summer of 1986 that was based on Hasbro toys, following My Little Pony: The Movie. Both underperformed so badly that Hasbro's yet-to-be-released G.I. Joe animated movie had its theatrical release cancelled and was sent direct to video.

And although the movie was a critical and financial failure, long-time Transformers fans continue to hold it in high regard. I wasn't really into the Transformers when I was a kid, and I thus have no sort of nostalgic feelings for it. So let's see if the movie holds up for an outsider looking in.

It is the distant year 2005, and the villainous Decepticons have conquered the Transformer homeworld, Cybertron. Forced to retreat to Cyberton's moons, the heroic Autobots aren't willing to take this sitting down, and make plans for an attack. They launch a supply shuttle to their base on Earth, but the Decepticons catch wind of this and launch a full-scale assault on Earth.

The Autobots manage to repel their enemies, but not before their commander, Optimus Prime (Peter Cullen), is mortally wounded by the Decepticon leader, Megatron (Frank Welker). Before he dies, Optimus Prime chooses Ultra Magnus (Robert Stack) to succeed him as leader of the Autobots, bestowing upon him a powerful talisman known as the "Autobot Matrix of Leadership." With his dying words, he states that the Matrix of Leadership will shine a light when the Autobots are in their darkest hour.

Meanwhile, a fuel shortage in their spaceship prompts the fleeing Decepticons to lighten the load by throwing their wounded out the airlock, including the injured Megatron. As the remaining Decepticon lieutenants argue over who will be the new leader, the castoffs are left to drift through space. They ultimately encounter Unicron (Orson Welles), a planet-sized machine that consumes other planets for fuel. Unicron retrieves them and offers to rebuild them on the condition that they destroy the Matrix, the only thing that could possibly destroy him. Megatron reluctantly agrees, and is reborn as Galvatron (Leonard Nimoy).

Galvatron's first order of business is to destroy his treacherous underling Starscream (Chris Latta), taking command of the Decepticons as he did when he was Megatron. He then finds Ultra Magnus and defeats him long enough to steal the Matrix. With Ultra Magnus out of commission, Hot Rod (Judd Nelson) steps in to lead the Autobots on a mission to reclaim the Matrix, defeat Unicron, and take out the Decepticons once and for all.

If you don't eat, sleep, and breathe Transformers, you probably aren't going to like The Transformers: The Movie that much. In fact, I'll guarantee you won't. The whole thing is utter nonsense from start to finish, thanks to ugly animation and terrible writing. But I'd be stupid to expect anything more out of it. The movie was produced with the sole purpose of selling toys, so if Hasbro's stock went up after this, good for them. But since I've always been relatively indifferent to the Transformers, I can't really see why the movie is so beloved. Yeah, there are the stories of kids losing their minds because Optimus Prime died, but I couldn't get over how bad the movie is. Maybe it's one of those cases where I'd appreciate it more if I were a kid in 1986 instead of as an adult in 2009.

Let's start this critique with the animation, courtesy of Toei Animation. It might have worked for a Saturday morning TV show, but for a motion picture to be released theatrically, it sucks. It looks cheap, to be blunt. Half the time, I wasn't quite sure what was supposed to be going on, since the animation didn't strike me as being very detailed. The scaling is inconsistent as well, because some characters appear larger or smaller depending on what was needed for the shot. And let's not forget the handful of sequences where I would swear that the animators were just repeating a few frames over and over in order to get the necessary shots.

At least it was counterbalanced by the movie's awesome music. From the great synth-oriented score composed by Vince DiCola to the rockin' soundtrack, the music is nothing short of spectacular. Okay, I'll admit that twenty years of musical evolution have made the songs kinda cheesy in retrospect. But don't tell me you can't listen to Lion's version of the Transformers theme song or "The Touch" by Stan Bush and not get a little excited. And even though the use of Weird Al Yankovic's "Dare to Be Stupid" at one point seems really out of nowhere considering the rest of the songs, the music is totally awesome.

Unfortunately, Ron Friedman's script isn't so fantastic. It's actually the exact opposite of fantastic. The plot is insane and disjointed, the dialogue is forgettable, and it moves from one scene to another seemingly at random. There's pretty much zero character development, so unless you've seen every single episode of the cartoon, you're not going to know anything about anyone in the movie.

And oddly, the movie actually has a pretty huge body count, while a lot of brand new Transformers appear for the very first time with barely an introduction. Turns out it's because Hasbro wanted to kill off as many of the original Transformers as they could so they could roll out their newest product line. Classic characters like Optimus Prime and Megatron don't even appear on the poster, because they've been replaced by all these new Transformers. Just as the show was a commercial for toys, the movie is a commercial for new toys. Maybe that's why Friedman's writing is so sloppy. Why bother coming up with anything substantial when all you're really supposed to do is make sure a bunch of new toys get face time while pushing the old ones out of the way?

Last on my list is the voice acting, done by a combination of big-time actors and the usual people from the TV show. The most talked-about member of the cast is Orson Welles, who died just five days after recording his dialogue. They supposedly had to run his voice through all kinds of computer filters to make it sound presentable, though you still get the feeling that Welles just didn't care at all. (And if I'd gone from making Citizen Kane to doing voice-over work as a planet-eating giant robot in an 84-minute toy commercial, I probably wouldn't care about too many things anymore.)

The rest of the cast, though, aren't too bad. Among the famous names who contributed, the only negative part came from John Moschitta, who you may or may not remember as the fast-talking guy from the FedEx and Micro Machines commercials back in the '80s. The whole fast-taking thing is okay for commercials, but having him play a character that talks at super-speed every time he shows up is annoying. But as a whole, the celebrity voices — which include Leonard Nimoy, Robert Stack, Monty Python member Eric Idle, Casey Kasem, Judd Nelson, and Scatman Crothers in his final movie — aren't bad, even if they're only really there to collect a paycheck.

As for the usual Transformer voice actors, it's just business as usual for them. Among them, the only really memorable work comes from Peter Cullen as Optimus Prime. He's simply fantastic. Cullen makes Optimus Prime sound like the proud, inspiring hero he should be, and if there's one positive thing I can say about the Transformers property as a whole, it's that Cullen rules.

But honestly, I can't say that I'd recommend The Transformers: The Movie to anyone that isn't already a huge Transformers fan to begin with. If you aren't already a fan, I doubt this flick will convert you. I'm convinced that only the truly die-hard Transformers aficionados, the ones who absolutely cannot get enough of it, will love this movie.

Me, on the other hand... I didn't care too much for it. I'm sorry, Transformers fans, but it just wasn't for me. There are some really cool parts, granted. But for me, those cool parts are ultimately few and far between. So while I'd give it a higher rating if I were a fan, I can't justify giving The Transformers: The Movie more than two stars on the Sutton Scale. I keep saying it, but if I were more into the franchise, I'd have probably been able to appreciate it more.

Final Rating: **

Jackass Number Two (2006)

Perhaps the most prevalent trend in the history of arts and entertainment is the sequel. From novels to motion pictures to video games, sequels have seemingly become both an important part of storytelling and — depending on the success of the source material — a guaranteed moneymaker. Sequels are an especially major part of the Hollywood process, with movies like Superman II, The Godfather Part II, Terminator 2: Judgment Day, and The Dark Knight becoming some of the most popular sequels of all time.

But then Paramount Pictures went and released a sequel that few expected, and only the most diehard of fans really wanted: Jackass Number Two. Both fans and critics thought they'd seen the last of the Jackass crew back in 2002, as the original movie was billed as the final farewell for the cast of MTV's controversial franchise. But I guess they had more raunchy pranks and extreme stunts to feast upon moviegoers, because the crew reunited four years later for Jackass Number Two.

As with the original movie, the movie has no plot whatsoever. It is merely a feature-length episode of the show, only a million times filthier. The movie features the crew's nine main members — Johnny Knoxville, Bam Margera, Chris Pontius, Steve-O, Ryan Dunn, Dave England, Jason "Wee Man" Acuña, Ehren McGhehey, and Preston Lacy — performing stunts that are outrageous, hilarious, disgusting, and offensive. Some of the lesser, more ancillary Jackass cast members are also along for the ride, as are notable names such as Luke Wilson, Tony Hawk, NFL star Jason Taylor, filmmakers John Waters and Jay Chandrasekhar, and Oscar-winning rappers Three 6 Mafia.

Honestly, the truth of the matter is that I could half-ass this thing by copy-and-pasting my review for the original movie here. There wouldn't be much difference either way. The only difference is that Jackass Number Two is far more disgusting than either the TV show or the first movie. There's more uncomfortable male nudity, a copious amount of a certain male bodily fluid, more than a little feces, a little blood, and just about every other revolting thing you could think of. It's legitimately one of the nastiest, grossest movies I've ever seen in my life. It's one thing for horror movies to have blood and guts in them, but that's all fake. All this Jackass silliness is the real deal. And that makes it even more disgusting than anything else.

Like with my critique of the first movie, there really isn't a whole lot to say about Jackass Number Two. Humor is always subjective, but when it comes to stuff like this, it's really subjective. The Jackass franchise is one of those things that more than likely will not appeal to anyone outside of a particular niche audience, those who have followed the franchise and those who enjoy schadenfreude in general. And just like the previous movie, the segments can be hit or miss. There are some bits I thought were hilarious, some I thought were good for a chuckle, and others I didn't particularly care for. And then there were some that I thought could have been completely excised with no ill effect on the movie at all. I mean, where's the humor in watching a guy take a dump on the floor for no reason? Or seeing people eat and drink things that had been expelled from a horse? That's not funny, that's repellent.

But like I said, humor is subjective, and Jackass Number Two is no exception to that. It's an incredibly subversive movie that doesn't just push the boundaries of tastelessness, but beats the snot out of them. It's not going to appeal to everybody, but only about half of it appeals to me, and I'm a Jackass fan. But I would say that it's worth a watch if you enjoy extreme frat boy humor and guys risking life and limb by doing incredibly stupid things just to get a laugh. I don't really know what else there is to say, other than I wonder just how they'll top themselves if they ever decide to make Jackass 3.

Final Rating: **½

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters (2007)

If you're a fan of late-night television, then you may have heard of Adult Swim. First launched by Cartoon Network with the help of Williams Street Productions on September 2, 2001, Adult Swim was crafted to present viewers with adult-oriented animation with an incredibly irreverent slant. And although Adult Swim's style has evolved over the years, two things have remained the same since its inception. One is its brazen attitude, and the other is its longest-running show, Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

Though the airing of its first episode actually predates the birth of Adult Swim by nearly a year, Aqua Teen Hunger Force has become an integral part of the programming block's success. The show initially began with simple goofball humor, but as time went on, it underwent its own evolution, branching exclusively into the realms of abstract and surrealistic humor, almost to the point of full-blown absurdity.

The show has remained popular with Adult Swim fans over the years, and Williams Street apparently felt brave enough to turn their silly little cartoon into a feature film. While it played in only 877 theaters and made nearly no impact on the box office at all, Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters (yes, that's the full title) did manage to stay true to itself by being one of the silliest, most insane movies ever released.

This is the point in the review where I would normally do a plot summary. But the thing is, this movie doesn't have much of a plot. It's mostly just about sticking its characters in as many wacky situations as it possibly can. For the sake of appearances, I'm going to try and summarize all this madness.

The movie primarily focuses on the three anthropomorphic fast food items that comprise the Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Master Shake (Dana Snyder), an narcissistic, selfish, smart-ass milkshake; Frylock (Carey Means), an intelligent, scientifically-minded container of French fries; and Meatwad (Dave Willis), a childlike meatball whose IQ is probably in the single digits.

After the trio finish assembling a workout machine called the Insanoflex, the machine grows to immense proportions and starts rampaging through the New Jersey city they call home, using their white trash neighbor Carl (Dave Willis) as its power source. Their attempts to stop it not only bring them into an uneasy alliance with several of their recurring nemeses, but eventually direct them down a path that leads to the knowledge of their own creation. Or something like that.

I honestly don't know where to begin with this review. Everything about this movie, from its silly Borat-esque title to every second of its 85-minute running time, is utter lunacy. Most movies adapted from television shows don't quite retain 100% of the feel of the source material, but the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie does, to the point that it doesn't even feel like a movie at all. While adaptations like Beavis and Butt-head Do America and South Park: Bigger, Longer, & Uncut made attempts to go above and beyond the limitations imposed upon their source material, the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie is pretty much an episode of the show that happened to acquire a theatrical release. You could probably compare it to the two Jackass movies, in that they're just extended, uncensored episodes of the show that inspired them. And like the Jackass franchise, the humor here is hit or miss at times. But for the most part, it's inspired insanity that is hilarious, although it is ultimately an acquired taste as well.

The animation looks exactly like it does on the show, except for the rare occasion of half-assed CGI work. Things look pretty cheap, but the low-rent look and feel of the animation actually adds to the movie's charm. It's almost refreshing to see an animated movie that isn't some big-budgeted, over-polished production like Pixar's body of work. Don't get me wrong, I like Pixar and their movies, but there's something to be said for independent animation as well.

But where the movie primarily exceeds is in both its writing and its voice performers. The script, penned by Aqua Teen Hunger Force creators Matt Maiellaro and Dave Willis, is comedic psychosis on a grand scale. Apparently working under the assumption that you don't need to make any sort of sense to be funny, Maiellaro and Willis have crafted a movie that runs on pure stream of consciousness. I wouldn't be surprised if Maiellaro and Willis had no idea at all what they wanted to do with the movie before they started working on it, and just wrote down every random thing that came to mind before cobbling all their ideas together into what they called a script. (For example, how many movies can say they open with thrash metal band Mastodon parodying that old "Let's All Go to the Lobby" pre-movie cartoon?)

Just like the show, things simply happen for no real reason, but the randomness of it all is what makes it so funny. The script is also heavily dialogue-driven, so Maiellaro and Willis make sure to write dialogue that is absolutely hilarious. I don't know how many bits of dialogue could be quoted repeatedly, but it's most certainly funny.

And then there's the cast, who operate with a snappy comedic timing. The eight main performers — Willis, Maiellaro, Dana Snyder, Carey Means, Andy Merrill, Mike Schatz, C. Martin Croker, and rapper Chris Ward (credited as his stage name, "mc chris") — have been playing these characters since the beginning, and each of them do a great job. They give an irreverent life to their characters, making each of them likeable and entertaining in their own ways. The cameos from B-movie legend Bruce Campbell, Rush drummer Neil Peart, and Saturday Night Live alumni Chris Kattan, Tina Fey, and Fred Armisen are all hilarious as well, each of them giving fun performances in their small roles.

Truth be told, I wasn't sure how I was going to critique this movie. I say that because I don't know if I can really recommend it to anyone who isn't already a devoted fan of the show. If you dislike the show, or if you just don't "get it," then you'll probably skip the movie. Even if you're just a casual, "once-in-a-while" fan of Aqua Teen Hunger Force, the movie might not be for you. But if you're hopelessly addicted to the absurd adventures of the Aqua Teens, then the movie will be right up your alley.

Though the premise lends itself more to the quick ten-minute episodes that air on Adult Swim, the movie still manages to keep a frenetic energy that makes it entertaining even when it starts running out of gas. Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters is an absolutely irreverent, borderline schizophrenic piece of silliness. Nothing about it resembles coherency or sanity, but if you drink deeply from the Adult Swim cup, then you'll probably get a kick out of it. And truthfully, any movie or television show featuring characters like the Mooninites is just fine by me.

Final Rating: ***½

The Dukes of Hazzard (2005)

Television and cinema have brought us many famous vehicles. There's KITT from Knight Rider, Herbie the Love Bug, the Ectomobile from Ghostbusters, Scooby Doo's Mystery Machine, the Mach 5 from Speed Racer, and the Batmobile. But with all of those in consideration, one car stands out in the minds of most Southerners as their favorite fictional mode of transportation: a tricked-out 1969 Dodge Charger dubbed "the General Lee." Anyone who watched television in the early '80s has heard of the General Lee, which made its first appearance when The Dukes of Hazzard premiered on CBS on January 26, 1979.

Originally a midseason replacement for a cancelled series, The Dukes of Hazzard quickly became one of the most popular shows on CBS, so popular that it was second only to the legendary soap opera Dallas in the ratings. In the two decades since its final episode aired, the family-friendly show has gone on to achieve a large cult following, with reruns drawing high ratings on TNN (prior to its transition to Spike TV) and CMT.

The General Lee has become almost as recognized as the Nike swoosh, and denim cutoff shorts have been affectionately known as "Daisy Dukes" ever since. With the recent trend of old television shows being remade into movies, I guess it only made sense for Warner Brothers to roll the General Lee back into action on the big screen.

The plot, as with just about any random episode of the show, is relatively simple. Our story takes place in the fictional Hazzard County of Georgia, where "good ol' boy" cousins Bo (Seann William Scott) and Luke Duke (Johnny Knoxville) are preparing to enter the General Lee against Hazzard County golden boy Billy Prickett (James Roday) in an upcoming stock car race. After making their latest moonshine run, Bo and Luke return home to discover that their farm has been seized by Hazzard County's corrupt commissioner Boss Hogg (Burt Reynolds). Why? Turns out that the equally corrupt county sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane (M.C. Gainey) found an illegal moonshine still in their barn. Of course, Boss Hogg and Rosco — being the bastions of goodness they are — planted the still there because, as sexy Duke cousin Daisy (Jessica Simpson) theorizes, "they were just too damn dumb to find the real one."

Upon stealing a safe from a construction site and paying a visit to a college science lab in Atlanta to find out what exactly the contents were, the Dukes discover that Boss Hogg is planning to acquire as many tracts of land as possible in order to raze the town and build a coal mine on top of it. With the help of Daisy and their moonshine-brewing uncle Jesse (Willie Nelson), the Dukes embark on a series of misadventures to save the county while trying to stay one step ahead of Boss Hogg and Rosco.

The Dukes of Hazzard movie at first seems very much like an inflated episode of the television show that inspired it, but it's seen some rather drastic additions in the form of profanity and drug use (and nudity, if you're watching the unrated DVD). While these additions would no doubt be welcome had the movie been completely original, adding them sacrifices the element that made the show family friendly. Why the producers felt the need to make these changes, I'll never know.

However, what's left of the show isn't changed with much. The only things most casual viewers will remember about the show are Daisy's short shorts and the General Lee, and both of those are in tact. There are car chases, action, a cute girl in super-short shorts, and all the Southern charm in the world.

We can obviously tell that Jay Chandrasekhar is behind the camera. A member of comedy troupe Broken Lizard, Chandrasekar's direction is very much in the style of his two prior movies, Super Troopers and Club Dread. Likewise, all five members of Broken Lizard appear somewhere in the movie, including Chandrasekar himself (who appears in one of my favorite scenes, a reprisal of the opening moments of Super Troopers).

Chandresekar is also up to the challenge of filming the numerous action shots that populate the movie, with assistance from cinematographer Lawrence Sher (who previously worked with Chandrasekar on Club Dread). From the famed General Lee jumps to the car chase scenes to the barroom brawl early in the movie, Chandrasekar proves himself to be a credible director. He also goes out of his way to keep the movie interesting even when nothing is going on, and his ability to improve upon mediocre material with his directing ability is evidenced here.

And boy, is the material mediocre. Credited to John O'Brien (who also co-wrote the cinematic adaptation of Starsky & Hutch), the screenplay heavily alters the characters as we know them from the show. Daisy has seemingly had her "bimbo" levels amped up to eleven, Bo has an unhealthy sexual attraction to the General Lee, and Uncle Jesse, the show's moral backbone, is telling dirty jokes and smoking weed. I know Willie Nelson is famous for being a pot-smoking hippie, but they could have easily made a joke about cheating on his taxes instead.

And perhaps most altered are the characters of Boss Hogg and Sheriff Rosco. While they were the villains on the show, they were more misguided than downright evil. Boss Hogg's depiction seems as if Burt Reynolds has gone from playing The Bandit to playing Smokey, and Sheriff Rosco seems to be the most different. His childlike nature from the show is all but gone here, and we're given a sheriff that's as mean as a rattlesnake and genuinely hates the Dukes. As despicable as he is in the movie, I'm surprised they didn't turn Sheriff Rosco's beloved basset hound Flash into a Rottweiler. I understand the desire to have credible villains, but I guess I'm just used to the Boss Hogg and Rosco from the show.

However, O'Brien's screenplay (which was given a little polish by Broken Lizard) does have many moments that I found to be downright funny, no matter how lame or silly they may have been. From the aforementioned spoof of Super Troopers, to the fight scene early in the film, to the postmodern jokes about the Confederate flag on the roof of the General Lee, the movie succeeds in making me laugh, so I can't fault it for that.

The cast can make or break a comedy, but for the most part, the Dukes cast is a hodgepodge of different levels of talent. Seann William Scott and Johnny Knoxville, perhaps best known as "Stifler from American Pie" and "that guy from Jackass" respectively, are enjoyable as Bo and Luke. Both are extremely funny actors, and they do manage to make things entertaining. Jessica Simpson, who plays the scantily-clad Southern belle Daisy in her first major foray into acting (after a few guest spots on That 70s Show and the 2003 revival of The Twilight Zone, along with a cameo as herself in Dana Carvey's The Master of Disguise), obviously didn't have to fend off any offers from the Royal Shakespeare Company to do the movie. Her lack of acting experience is painfully obvious, though one can tell that she's at least trying. And was it just me, or did her Southern accent sound forced and fake? She's from Texas, so you'd think she'd already have something resembling a real Southern accent.

Burt Reynolds and Willie Nelson both put their own Southern stamp on the movie, each giving likable performances that, while far different from the base material, are still engaging. Meanwhile, M.C. Gainey and Michael Weston aren't awful as Sheriff Rosco and Deputy Enos Strate, James Roday is forgettable as Bo's unlikable rival Billy Prickett, and Junior Brown does a fine job filling the shoes of the late Waylon Jennings as the disembodied voice of "The Balladeer."

But I found my favorite members of the cast to be David Koechner as mechanic Cooter Davenport and Broken Lizard's Kevin Heffernan as conspiracy theorist Sheev, a character created specifically for the movie. Koechner has been hilarious in his past acting roles (including Anchorman and a stint on Saturday Night Live), and although he only has a handful of scenes, he doesn't disappoint. Heffernan is also quite funny, though I really didn't need to see him in his tightie-whities (though it's definitely a step up from seeing him naked in Super Troopers).

The movie also benefits from entertaining music. The twangy country score by Nathan Barr is great and quite fitting, but where the real fun lies is with the song soundtrack. Fittingly comprised of music from bands like Lynyrd Skynyrd, AC/DC, Montgomery Gentry, ZZ Top, and the Charlie Daniels Band, the soundtrack isn't bad. The filmmakers also make the very wise decision to use the version of the theme song performed by Waylon Jennings, complimented by Willie Nelson's faithful cover. However, where the soundtrack stumbles is Jessica Simpson's horrendous, embarrassing cover of the Nancy Sinatra classic "These Boots Are Made For Walkin'." If Sinatra was dead, she'd have been doing cartwheels in her grave when the song was released.

I know that the movie has been pretty much reviled by both critics and fans of the show, but you know what? I liked it. The movie knows that it's silly, and it revels in it. It might not be built on the strongest of foundations, but the movie still entertained me. I go to movies to be entertained, so in that aspect, I'll call The Dukes of Hazzard successful. I know what I like. Yeah, the movie isn't perfect nor is it 100% true to the show, but so what? Screw the hoity-toity critics that are just too highbrow to enjoy themselves. The Dukes of Hazzard have never been highbrow, and that's the way it should be. I'll give it a solid three stars and a recommendation to fans of goofy Southern humor.

Final Rating: ***

Batman (1966)

We're all familiar with the Batman movies directed by Tim Burton and Joel Schumacher. You might even be familiar with the various animated television shows (and occasional animated movie) starring Batman. But before Batman donned a black rubber costume and Gotham City became a dark, gritty metropolis, the Caped Crusader was the star of his own live-action TV show. Since it premiered on the ABC network on January 12, 1966, the show has become an indelible part of pop culture in the forty years since its cancellation in 1968.

In fact, the show's campy, often comical depiction of Batman and Robin is how many people continue to view the Dynamic Duo. Its stars are still recognized as their characters from the show, no matter where their paths in life took them. While the majority of comic fans prefer the Batman depicted in Frank Miller's epic comic miniseries The Dark Knight Returns, there is no getting around the sheer popularity of the old television show. The show was so popular, in fact, that it had its own theatrical spinoff following the conclusion of its first season. But is Batman '66 worth mentioning in the same breath as Burton's beloved Batman '89, or does it make Schumacher's Batman & Robin look like Oscar-caliber filmmaking?

Our film opens in the Gotham City countryside, where millionaire playboy Bruce Wayne (Adam West) and his young ward Dick Grayson (Burt Ward) are taking a leisurely afternoon drive. The pair receive an anonymous tip that someone has hijacked a yacht carrying a powerful dehydrator that can reduce people to a pile of dust, and they swing into action as Batman and Robin.

After a tangle with a very fake-looking exploding shark, the yacht simply vanishes into thin air. The confused Dynamic Duo head back to the office of police commissioner Jim Gordon (Neil Hamilton), where they figure out that the tip was a setup all along. Turns out the boat was just a holographic decoy to distract Batman and Robin while the real hijackers stole the dehydrator and kidnapped its inventor, stereotypical sea captain Commodore Schmidlapp (Reginald Denny).

And through an incredibly insane stretch in deductive logic, they realize that the scheme is being executed by the United Underworld: the combined criminal forces of The Joker (Cesar Romero), The Penguin (Burgess Meredith), The Riddler (Frank Gorshin), and Catwoman (Lee Meriweither). Armed with the stolen dehydrator, the United Underworld strikes and kidnaps the United World security council (serving as a reasonable facsimile of the United Nations). Batman and Robin must board Penguin's Navy surplus pre-atomic submarine and rescue Commodore Schmidlapp and the powdered security council before the United Underworld can use them as a bargaining tool to conquer the world.

Similar to Jackass: The Movie, Batman '66 is basically an extended episode of the television show it was based on, only with a higher budget. From the cinematography and stunts, to the absurd dialogue and Nelson Riddle's music, the movie echoes the show to a T. In fact, the movie was actually intended to be made as a pilot for the show, but it ended up getting released after the first season had concluded. The higher budget not only allows for four special guest villains instead of one, but it also gives the Caped Crusader and the Boy Wonder new toys like the Batboat and the Batcopter. Said Batboat and Batcopter only showed up in later episodes of the show when the producers recycled footage of the movie, but if you already have good footage, why spend the money to film new stuff? Makes sense to me.

But seriously, the movie is one giant train wreck of campiness, and could lay claim to the title of the superhero genre's This Is Spinal Tap. Every gadget and weapon features a bizarre "Bat-" prefix, there's the usual silly puns and fight scenes (with the "Pow! Biff! Wham!" title cards), and then there's outrageous, almost insulting jumps in logic. "It was fishy like a penguin! It happened at sea... C for Catwoman! That exploding shark was pulling my leg... it has to be The Joker! And it all adds up to a sinister riddle... of course, The Riddler!" I know that it was a different time back then, but that sort of thing is just absurd nowadays.

Both the jokes and Robin's "holy [insert something here]" exclamations are groan-inducing, as is most of the dialogue in general. Unfortunately, the nature of the show works a lot better within the confines of a half-hour time frame, as the silliness grows thin over the movie's 100 minutes. And there's quite a few parts that make exactly zero sense anyway. For example, there's one scene near the beginning where Catwoman disguises herself as a Russian journalist named Kitka at a press conference and asks Batman and Robin to remove their masks in order to "get a better picture of them." As the movie progresses, Bruce Wayne falls for Kitka and never once suspects her of being a supervillain. If there's one thing I've learned, it's this: If you're a superhero, you don't mess around with a suspicious lady that asks you to reveal your secret identity in front of God and everybody, no matter how attractive she is. That's just not kosher, folks.

The acting, as with the show, is absolutely hammy. Adam West's overacting as Batman is the stuff of legend, and he's almost a parody of the current-day William Shatner before the world knew who Shatner was. West plays the silly dialogue as if it were a life-or-death situation, but what makes him so memorable is his comedic timing. His timing is spot-on, especially in the now-famous bomb disposal scene. As Batman attempts to remove a bomb from a pirate bar, he charges around a pier while trying to avoid ducks, boating lovers, nuns, various other innocent bystanders, and a Salvation Army marching band that somehow ends up being around every corner he turns. The scene is a priceless adventure in slapstick, which not only presents us with a chance to see how funny West can be, but also gives us what is arguably the film's most memorable line ("some days, you just can't get rid of a bomb!"). Even his understated "aw, crap" reaction at the end of the movie is hilarious.

Meanwhile, Burt Ward's portrayal of Robin is acceptable and fun, but actually makes me pine for Chris O'Donnell. The true gold in the cast is with both West and the cast of villains. While I'm usually a Joker fan, Frank Gorshin's Riddler was always my favorite villain from the show, and his manic delivery in the movie makes me love him more. Burgess Meredith and Cesar Romero are both fun as Penguin and Joker, and Lee Meriwether (pinch-hitting for TV Catwoman Julie Newmar) is quite intriguing to watch. While I definitely prefer Eartha Kitt and Michelle Pfeiffer when it comes to Catwomen, Meriwether does a respectable job.

There's no denying the energy of the movie. As with Burton's Batman '89, the TV show turned a whole generation into fans. While I'm willing to bet that people who fell in love with the version of Batman we know as the Dark Knight will approach Batman '66 with some trepidation, those who grew up with the '60s TV show will cherish this piece of nostalgia. The movie has its problems, and it begins to wear out its welcome by the finale, but it's good clean fun. It's the kind of Batman movie that parents can watch with their kids, with no serious violence or villains that are killed at the end.

Though the show is often despised by comic fans, one could argue that Batman wouldn't even be around today if it weren't for the success of the show (and by extent, the movie). DC Comics was actually considering canceling Batman before the comics experienced a boom in sales, all thanks to Adam West and Burt Ward as the Caped Crusader and Boy Wonder. And frankly, no matter what anyone says of it, I love the show and I love the movie.

Final Rating: ***½

Jackass: The Movie (2002)

Despite justified critiques that they're moving further and further away from their music-oriented roots, MTV's programming has always been able to get people talking. For the longest time, Mike Judge's Beavis & Butt-Head was arguably the most controversial show ever aired on the network. It was reviled by critics and PTA groups, and censors even refused to allow the titular characters to say the word "fire" unless it was within a particular context (though there was a very good reason for that).

But on April 12, 2000, MTV unleashed a show far more controversial than Beavis & Butt-Head ever hoped to be. In spite of protests from parental watchdog groups and Senator Joseph Lieberman, Jackass became one of the most memorable and popular shows in MTV's history. Merely half-hour compilations of a gang of idiots doing insane and embarrassing things for nobody's pleasure but their own, Jackass arguably drew just as much (if not more) vitriol and derision from the parental watchdogs in a mere twenty-five episodes than Beavis & Butt-Head did in almost two hundred.

When the show's creators called it quits, they decided to say farewell with in an extreme way: they took their show to the big screen, without the burden of bleeps and blurs. If you've ever wondered why Hollywood is occasionally called "Hollyweird," watch Jackass: The Movie. How many movies do you know of that start with a "don't try this at home" warning?

Usually, I'd do a plot synopsis at this point. But there's no plot to speak of, because it's just an 84-minute uncensored version of the Jackass TV show. If you've seen the show, you know what I mean. The movie opens with the movie's primary participants — Johnny Knoxville, Bam Margera, Ryan Dunn, Steve-O, Jason "Wee Man" Acuña, Chris Pontius, Preston Lacy, Dave England, and Ehren McGhehey — riding in a gigantic shopping cart, set to Carl Orff's "O Fortuna." The cast is introduced, a giraffe runs by for no reason, and the Jackasses crash into a fruit stand. We hear the familiar opening twang of the TV show's theme song ("Corona" by The Minutemen), and thus begins a descent into the insane, the bizarre, and the disgusting.

Keep in mind this is a funny yet filthy movie based on a funny yet filthy TV show. There's plenty of male nudity and uncensored profanities that they couldn't have gotten away with on MTV, and enough silly behavior for drunken frat guys to imitate if they get bored late one night. There's also cameos from somewhat famous people too; Henry Rollins, Butterbean, Rip Taylor, BMX star Mat Hoffman, and pro skateboarders Tony Hawk, Eric Koston, and Clyde Singleton all appear somewhere in the movie.

Despite the movie's promotion hailing it as being "too wild for TV," most of the skits would have been just fine to air on MTV. Sure, the nudity and profanities wouldn't have passed standards and practices, but with some creative editing, most of the movie could have easily been on television instead of movie theaters. In some segments, the jokes wear themselves out (such as Steve-O firing bottle rockets from his rectum), or just aren't funny at all (such as the muscle stimulators and the BMX tug-of-war). I guess it was like that so audiences could calm down and catch their breath from prior, funnier scenes (or quit puking following the gross scenes). They did that with the Mystery Science Theater 3000 movie, so I assume that's what they did here, too. It could happen, couldn't it?

 But overall, I'd say Jackass: The Movie is a ton of fun. It's got some really hilarious moments, but quite a bit of crap (literally and physically) bogs it down. And just as a note, watch all the way through the credits. You'll thank me later.

Final Rating: ***