Quarantine (2008)

Ever since the success of The Ring, it's become commonplace for popular foreign-language horror movies to be remade in English for quicker consumption by American audiences. Most of them end up being remakes of East Asian horror, as by my count, there have been nine remakes of Japanese, Korean, Chinese, and Thai horror movies between 2002 and today. And that's not counting sequels or non-horror Asian remakes like The Departed, Shall We Dance?, and The Lake House.

But eventually, Hollywood was bound to remake a horror movie that wasn't Asian. Enter [REC], a Spanish zombie movie that scared the crap out of me the first time I saw it. It apparently made an impression on someone in Hollywood, because the remake rights were sold even before it opened in Spain. Carrying the new title Quarantine, the remake came to American theaters only one year after the release of its source material. And while I absolutely loved [REC], Quarantine just left me feeling like I had a wicked case of déjà vu.

As the movie begins, we're introduced to Angela Vidal (Jennifer Carpenter), the host of a television show focusing on the various social services that operate during the late-night hours. On this particular episode, Angela and her cameraman Scott (Steve Harris) are shadowing a team of Los Angeles firefighters during their nightly routine. Though much of the evening is comprised of rather mundane occurrences, things start picking up once the fire department gets called to help the police deal with a screaming elderly woman who has locked herself inside her apartment.

But when they break down the door, the woman goes absolutely berserk and violently attacks one of the responding policemen, nearly tearing his face off in no time flat. As they drag the injured cop back to the lobby, everyone is shocked to discover that the health department has quarantined the building as part of a biochemical hazard protocol. But while the quarantine causes everyone stranded inside the building to become irritable and paranoid, it has trapped them with something far worse than their own fears. A virus — resembling a super-advanced form of rabies — has somehow gotten loose inside the building, turning those it infects into enraged, bloodthirsty zombies.

I absolutely loved [REC], so when Quarantine was released, I was curious to see how it would handle the source material. And as it turns out, Quarantine was almost identical to [REC]. Sure, Quarantine is about fifteen minutes longer than [REC], but outside of that, they're practically the same movie. I mean, it isn't quite a complete shot-for-shot copy like Gus Van Sant's remake of Psycho. But the majority of Quarantine plays out exactly the same as the original movie. That made it hard for me to really get into Quarantine, because I felt like I was watching the same movie as before, only in English and with different actors.

It's not that the remake is a particularly bad movie or anything, but its delivery is different. It's all about the delivery. For example, someone tells you a hilarious joke. Someone else tells you the same joke later, only it's not as funny then, due to how the second person told it. That's the difference between [REC] and Quarantine; they're both doing the same thing, only one is doing it better.

At the helm is John Erick Dowdle, who does as good a job as he can in replicating [∙REC]. He doesn't quite match the visceral atmosphere of the original, though, partly because of how artificial Quarantine feels. In [REC], things felt more natural because the guy playing the cameraman actually was the guy running the camera. Quarantine doesn't have that, sadly. The whole movie forced, like Dowdle was trying so hard to copy [REC] that he never thought to try doing his own thing. He could have figured that you can't fix what isn't broken, but there's nothing wrong with trying to shake things up a little.

The same can be said for the script, written by Dowdle and his brother Drew. Outside of a tiny handful of exceptions, the script pretty much duplicates [REC] as well. There's some padding to make Quarantine longer than [REC]‘s 75-minute running time, and a few things are changed for American audiences. But as with the direction, the writing is pretty much identical to its source material. You're pretty much getting the same movie, ending and all. But as I said, something must have been lost in translation, because it simply doesn't feel the same. I guess I can't really fault the Dowdles for not trying to fix what isn't broken. But they don't really contribute anything to make their version stand out, either. That's really sad, too, because they had the chance to write a really scary movie. And instead, they just gave us something that's just okay at best.

All that's left to talk about is the acting, which I thought was a mixed bag to say the least. Like [REC], Quarantine is the type of ensemble effort in which many of the ancillary characters blend into the background. It may be harder than usual to break this down into specifics, but I guess I'll try to wing it. In the lead role is Jennifer Carpenter, who I absolutely loved in The Exorcism of Emily Rose. Unfortunately, her performance here is a disappointment. Carpenter begins the movie with a rather bubbly demeanor, and is actually pretty likable. But as the movie progresses, her character becomes more and more hysterical. It reaches the point that you almost want the zombies to get her and shut her up. While I'd assume that most people would probably act the same way if stuck in a similar situation, that doesn't make Carpenter any less annoying.

But on the other hand, we do get a strong performance from Jay Hernandez. Hernandez plays his character as someone trying to stay calm and level-headed even though he wants to panic, which I felt was a really good way to approach it. He's quite good in the role, and I can't complain. There are also some acceptable performances from Greg Germann, Jonathon Schaech, and Rade Sherbedgia, but outside of Carpenter and Hernandez, none of the performances are really all that memorable. But then again, most of the actors don't really do anything to make an impression. Some of them are just kinda there, and others overact to the point of being silly. Maybe that was the problem with Quarantine all along.

I know I've had a few complaints about Quarantine, but my biggest one is in regards to how the movie as promoted during its theatrical run. Believe it or not, but they actually gave away the ending of the movie. The trailers, the TV commercials, and even the poster feature the last shot of the movie. It's not as bad as when the plot twist in the remake of When A Stranger Calls was spoiled in its advertising, because you wouldn't know that was the ending of Quarantine unless you'd seen already seen [REC]. (Or unless I spoiled it for you just now. Oops.) But still, it seems like a really rotten thing for an advertising campaign to do.

I've been writing this review with the belief that Quarantine was less a remake of [REC] and more of a lame carbon copy of it. And I think that belief is true. But when viewed on its own merits, Quarantine is a thoroughly mediocre movie. It doesn't have the same sense of dread that enveloped [REC], and the scares aren't as scary. The movie doesn't outright suck, but it could have been much better. If they really had to do an American version of [REC], they could have just recorded an English dub of the original movie, They did it for High Tension, so why not for [REC]? But now we're stuck with just a mediocre remake of a great movie, and that's just sad. Quarantine is at least adequate, but there was plenty of room for improvement.

Final Rating: ***

[REC] (2007)

In a number of my reviews, I've spoken of my belief that some of the best horror movies of the last ten or fifteen years has come from outside the United States. Though I first started saying that in regards to Asian flicks like Ringu, Ju-on, and Audition, we've seen awesome movies coming from elsewhere. Australia and Canada have put their own two cents in, but quite a few significant contributions have come from Europe. Countries like France, Sweden, and England have made some fine additions to the genre with High Tension, Let the Right One In, and Shaun of the Dead.

Spain even got in on the act when they gave us the movie we're here to discuss at the moment, [REC]. While zombie movies are a dime a dozen, [REC] dared to be different by using a "found footage" style that made it look like a zombie version of The Blair Witch Project. And although the movie was one of a deluge of movies with the same style released around the same time, [REC] is incredibly effective. And quite frankly, it's one of the scariest movies I've seen in a long while.

As the movie begins, we're introduced to Angela Vidal (Manuela Velasco), the host of a television show focusing on the various social services that operate during the late-night hours. On this particular episode, Angela and her cameraman Pablo (Pablo Rosso) are shadowing a team of Barcelona firefighters during their nightly routine. Though much of the evening is comprised of rather mundane occurrences, things start picking up once the fire department gets called to help the police deal with a screaming elderly woman who has locked herself inside her apartment.

But when they break down the door, the woman goes absolutely insane and violently attacks one of the responding policemen, nearly tearing his face off in no time flat. As they drag the injured cop back to the lobby, everyone is shocked to discover that the health department has quarantined the building as part of a biochemical hazard protocol. But while the quarantine causes everyone stranded inside to become irritable and paranoid, it has trapped them with something far worse than their own fears. A mysterious virus has somehow gotten loose inside the building, turning those it infects into enraged, bloodthirsty zombies.

[REC] is most assuredly one of the most effective horror movies I've ever had the chance to see. Everything about it from, start to finish, works. I have to admit that I wasn't sure what to expect going into the movie. I was afraid that it was going to be some silly Blair Witch wannabe in spite of the positive word of mouth I'd heard prior to watching it for the first time. But when I finally did see it, I was blown away. It was a really good movie. And this might sound like simple hyperbole, but [REC] absolutely scared the pants off me. It's not too often I can say that either, but it's true. [REC] had me jumping out of my seat with every scare, moments that come fast and furious throughout the movie. But just what about it makes it so good, hmm?

Let's start like my reviews typically do, with the direction. The movie is helmed by Jaume Balagueró and Paco Plaza, a pair of individual horror directors who've teamed up for this particular flick. Using the "found footage" format is something that most people can either like or hate, but I found that it was something that worked in [REC]'s favor. With the movie shot from a first-person perspective, it allows things to sneak up on you and ultimately be scarier. None of the scares seem cheap or forced, and with cinematographer Pablo Rosso actually playing the cameraman within the movie, everything seems more natural.

That natural feeling is helped by the absence of a musical score. Music is good in setting the mood for other movies, but [REC]'s lack of it means that Balagueró and Plaza must try harder to set the tone with sound design. And if you ask me, I think they succeeded. Let's also not overlook the fact that Balagueró and Plaza pared the movie down to a sleek 75-minute running time, making [REC] a much more intense experience. The short running time affords precious little room to breathe once the ball really starts rolling. It allows Balagueró and Plaza to crank out scare after scare after scare, as if it were a cinematic roller coaster.

As the movie is based more on visual scares than psychological ones, you'd think that the script might suffer because of it. And to tell you the truth, the script — written by Balagueró, Plaza, and Luis Burdejo — is probably just a secondary element in the grand scheme of things. But aside from a few flaws here and there (such as a scene where the virus's origins are conveniently explained all at once), the script is relatively solid.

The characters are a little one-dimensional at times, but for the most part, they're good enough to pull you into the movie and make you worry about what will happen to them by the end of the movie. The only bad part of the whole thing is that the concept seems like they've just taken the zombies from 28 Days Later and stuck them into an apartment building. But even that's not totally bad, since putting a bunch of frightened, erratic characters in a small place with some rabid zombies, and you've got 75 minutes of entertaining chaos.

Last but not least is the ensemble cast, who all do fine jobs. They're all quite good, but since a lot of them are in roles so minor they practically blend into the background (while still retaining a particular distinctiveness), I'm just going to touch on some of the highlights. My favorite performance came from Manuela Velasco, who I thought was very charming in her role. She plays the character as inquisitive almost to the point of being pushy about it, and while the character is practically reduced to only running and screaming by the end of the movie, Velasco manages to maintain the viewer's attention and sympathy for the entire flick. Her character is perhaps the most crucial one of the movie, and she hits all the right notes.

I also thought that Jorge Serrano and Carlos Lasarte were great as a panicky police officer and a vain building resident respectively, and Ferran Terran played his part as one of the firefighters very well. It's hard to really pick any major standouts, though, because everyone gels together so well. So on the whole, the cast is fantastic.

If you're anything like me, then you'll find that [REC] will stick in your head for a few days after you see it for the first time. It's one of the few horror movies that really scared me at the level it did. It actually made me a little paranoid at first. I watched the movie for the first time in the dark in the middle of the night, and I kept thinking I heard something coming up behind me. [REC] almost made me scared of my own shadow, something most horror movies don't do nowadays. That's how effective it is, and it's definitely a movie worth seeing if you're a horror fan. 

Final Rating: ****

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie (1996)

Most geeks have a certain television show that they're drawn to before all others. Some have Star Trek, Doctor Who, or Battlestar Galactica. Others have the shows created by Joss Whedon. As for me, my drug of choice is Mystery Science Theater 3000.

The brainchild of comedian Joel Hodgson, MST3K begain airing on Minnesota TV station KTMA in 1988. It was picked up only a year later by the cable channel that would one day be known as Comedy Central, before its cancellation forced its move to the Sci-Fi Channel in 1997.

Though the show was ultimately cancelled for good in 1999, it continues to maintain a faithful cult following. The show's popularity through the '90s was noticed by Hollywood, and the Universal Studios subsidiary Gramercy Pictures released Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie on April 19, 1996. Though the movie does have some flaws, it is a valiant effort by the MST3K crew.

The plot of the movie follows the show's concept rather closely. Mad scientist Dr. Clayton Forrester (Trace Beaulieu) has trapped Mike Nelson (Michael J. Nelson) aboard the Satellite of Love, a space station orbiting Earth. Dr. Forrester subjects Mike to a number of bad B-movies in an effort to drive him insane, hoping that he can find the perfect bad movie to use as a weapon in his plans for world domination.

But helping Mike keep his sanity are his three robot associates: Gypsy (the voice of Jim Mallon), who pilots the Satellite of Love, and Tom Servo (the voice of Kevin Murphy) and Crow T. Robot (the voice of Trace Beaulieu), who accompany Mike into each movie. The movie they'll be watching here is the 1955 sci-fi flick This Island Earth, starring Rex Reason and Jeff Morrow. Though Dr. Forrester intends for This Island Earth to break their wills, Mike, Crow, and Servo entertain themselves by mercilessly mocking the movie.

If you've seen an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000, then you'll have an idea of what to expect from the movie. The only odd thing is that at 73 minutes, it's actually shorter than your average episode of the television show. Yeah, no kidding. That had to be some kind of studio mandate, because I'm sure they could have easily filled two hours. But I don't think Gramercy Pictures ever had any faith whatsoever in the movie, since they only released it in 26 theaters at its widest. Why even bother putting the movie in theaters at all? But problems or no problems, the MST3K crew manages to be at the top of their game with some of the funniest gags they've ever done.

Since there's no real reason to talk about direction or music or acting or anything like that, unless I wanted to turn this into a review of This Island Earth, I'm going to skip all the formalities and go right to discussing the writing. Credited to Michael J. Nelson, Trace Beaulieu, Kevin Murphy, Jim Mallon, Mary Jo Pehl, Paul Chaplin, and Bridget Jones, the script takes a little time to get rolling. Once it finally hits its stride, it's hilarious. The jokes don't come as fast and as furious as they would on a regular episode of the TV show (perhaps due to executive meddling?), but that doesn't make them any less funny. I'll confess that some of the jokes do fall flat, and there are a few moments of extended silence in the commentary. But I found the flaws to be outweighed by all the gold the jokes produce.

I first found Mystery Science Theater 3000 when I was around 11 or 12 years old, and I was immediately hooked. I spent every Saturday parked in front of the television, eagerly anticipating whatever lame movie the crew would be watching. The show can probably be thanked (or blamed) for helping shape the snarky sense of humor I have today. (And it's because of MST3K that I often feel the need to crack jokes during bad movies or TV shows.) In spite of the failure that was its theatrical run, their movie definitely some of the best work that its crew have ever produced. So for that, I'll give it four stars, leaning towards five, along with my own personal seal of approval. If I had to rank it alongside the best episodes from the show, I'm not quite sure where exactly I'd place it. But it'd be close to the top, for sure.

Final Rating: ****

The Midnight Meat Train (2008)

Any horror fan worth their salt is at least familiar with Clive Barker. He might not have the mainstream recognition of Stephen King, but Barker is often recognized as one of the leading names in the gothic horror and dark fantasy literary genres. His novels and short stories have proven popular with fans of that style, and they've also had their effect on the world of motion pictures as well. There's been a handful of movies based on his work, the most notable of which are the popular cult classics Hellraiser (which Barker himself directed) and Candyman.

But we're not here to discuss Hellraiser, Candyman, or their sequels. Instead, the movie I'll be reviewing right now is The Midnight Meat Train. Based on one of the stories in the first volume of Barker's Books of Blood collections, the movie was barely in theaters at all before it was quickly and quietly rushed off to DVD. But I think it might have a chance at becoming a cult classic if people can discover it, because it's an awesome movie.

Our tale of terror focuses on Leon Kaufman (Bradley Cooper), a struggling photographer looking for his big break. That break seems to come when his girlfriend, Maya (Leslie Bibb), pulls some strings and gets him a meeting with influential art dealer Susan Hoff (Brooke Shields). Susan believes Leon has potential, but asks him to bring her some grittier material before she'll consider displaying his photos. Leon finds his grittier pictures soon enough, getting a few good shots while stopping a gang from harassing a young woman in a subway station. Susan is impressed with the photos, agreeing to give him a spot in her next display show if he can produce two more similar pictures.

This task leads him to cross paths with Mahogany (Vinnie Jones), a well-dressed butcher who is frighteningly silent at all times. When Leon hears that the girl he helped in the subway station has disappeared without a trace, he begins to notice that Mahogany appears in the background of many of the pictures he took that night. A curious Leon investigates, discovering that Mahogany is a brutal serial murderer who has turned a subway train into his own personal meat locker. But as he digs deeper into the madness behind Mahogany's methods, he'll soon discover that some mysteries are best left unsolved.

If you aren't familiar with The Midnight Meat Train, that's okay. You wouldn't have heard of it unless you were following horror movie news websites during the summer of 2008. Prior to its theatrical release, there was a management shakeup at Lionsgate. Joe Drake had just been hired to run Lionsgate's theatrical division, and the story goes that he decided to throw many of his predecessor's yet-to-be-released movies under the bus after he took the job. The Midnight Meat Train caught the worst of it, seeing an unadvertised ten-day release in only 102 small theaters with its final domestic box office gross being an incredibly paltry $73,548. And that's a shame, because it's a brave movie. It isn't afraid to be different from the usual horror movies that get released all the time, and it gets my respect for that.

At the helm is Japanese filmmaker Ryûhei Kitamura, who had previously directed Godzilla: Final Wars and the cult favorite Versus. Whoever hired him to direct The Midnight Meat Train should be proud of themselves, because Kitamura does an absolutely fantastic job. The movie looks gray and gloomy, carrying a look that suits the content. The darkness sets the perfect atmosphere for the movie, as does the super-slick cinematography from Jonathan Sela. While some of the coolest camerawork could only have been done through CGI, Kitamura and Sela still manage to go make the movie look like a million bucks.

They also get a big boost from the music, composed by Robb Williamson and Johannes Kobilka. Their music alternates between a melancholy sound and a more industrial style depending on the situation, and it all goes a long way in helping to establish the movie's atmosphere and tone.

Next on my list is Jeff Buhler's screenplay. I must confess that I've never read Barker's original short story, so I can't compare the movie to it. But I still got the feeling that Buhler lost something in the translation. There are some parts that feel rushed, and others that feel incomplete. And when the explanation for Mahogany's killing spree finally arrives, you get the feeling that Buhler forgot about it and had to slap something together at the last minute. It seems rushed almost to the point of feeling cheap, because it nearly comes out of nowhere.

The argument could also be made that the movie has a real lack of character development. But after the movie, I came away with the feeling that it wasn't a movie about characters, but about obsession. As the movie goes on, Leon becomes more and more obsessed with catching Mahogany in the act and proving he's the killer that Leon is sure he is. It consumes him, drives him beyond his initial desire to help find a missing girl to wanting to justify his own fears. This obsession nearly destroys him, making him push his girlfriend away, ignore his career's big break, and drives his sanity to its breaking point. If this really is what the movie is about, then Buhler's done a fine job of putting it together. Shame about that rushed payoff, though.

The final component of The Midnight Meat Train is the cast, which is quite small, actually. Most of the characters either add nothing to the plot or are completely inconsequential, so that just leaves us with three actors to discuss. In the lead role, Bradley Cooper does exactly what he needs to hold the audience's attention. Cooper effortlessly shows the character's evolution from curious voyeur to borderline lunatic, all the while making sure the audience cares about Leon and wants to follow his exploits. He's the center of the movie, so it would have lived or died on his performance. And personally, I thought he pulled it off well.

I also thought Leslie Bibb did a fine job as well. Though I will admit that her character seems somewhat forgettable in the long run, Bibb plays the role with a certain vulnerability that makes her endearing.

But my favorite performance in the movie comes from Vinnie Jones. I don't think it's possible for Jones to play anything other than a tough guy when he's cast in a movie, but what sets Mahogany apart from other characters he's played is his lack of dialogue. Most of the time, Jones's characters get to make plenty of smart-ass remarks and add a certain sense of levity to the movie. But not in The Midnight Meat Train. His character here only speaks three words at the very end of the movie. This silence works wonders, because it makes Mahogany a more frightening, more intimidating character. The whole visual of an imposing brute of a man dressed in a slick three-piece suit, slowly approaching someone so he can bash their brains in with a steel mallet wouldn't be as terrifying if the killer was making goofy puns while he went about his business. Jones is almost stoic here, killing his victims not with any perceivable malice, but as if it were just another day at the office. He's very good in the role, conveying all the necessary emotion with just a look or a movement. I don't think they could have hired a better actor for the part.

While The Midnight Meat Train has elements of a slasher movie, it's most definitely a horror movie of a different sort. It's the handiwork of Clive Barker, that's for sure. And maybe it's for the best that it got screwed out of a wide theatrical release, because now it can find an audience the old fashioned way: through word of mouth among the truly dedicated horror fans. It's not a perfect movie, but it's quite good, good enough for me to give it three and a half stars out of five. Hopefully, The Midnight Meat Train will find its audience, because it deserves one.

Final Rating: ***½

My Name is Bruce (2008)

Watch enough B-grade horror and science fiction movies, and you'll have more than likely seen something featuring Bruce Campbell at least once. The actor most famous as the star of Sam Raimi's Evil Dead trilogy has made a career out of appearing in movies that range from the schlocky to the silly, and a few of them have found cult followings in their own right.

But whether he's in movies like Alien Apocalypse or Terminal Invasion, or television shows like The Adventures of Brisco County Jr., Campbell's fans are fiercely dedicated. It is his offbeat relationship with his fans that led him to direct My Name is Bruce, an affectionate self-parody of Campbell and his fans. And as someone who appreciates Campbell's work, I can say that the movie is a heck of a lot of fun

The small Oregon town of Gold Lick is about to be in some serious trouble. A group of dim-witted teenagers have accidentally unleashed Guan-di (James J. Peck), the Chinese god of war, from the tomb of Chinese miners who were killed in a cave-in in 1870. Now released from the mine that had served as his prison, Guan-di is free to seek bloody vengeance against all those who desecrated the grave he was protecting... and the entire population of Gold Lick is on his hit list. The only survivor among the aforementioned dim-witted teenagers, Jeff Graham (Taylor Sharpe), is convinced that the only person who can save Gold Lick is his idol, B-movie icon Bruce Campbell (playing himself).

Jeff kidnaps Bruce and drags him to Gold Lick, where he is greeted with a hero's welcome. The guy's fought enough movie monsters, so why couldn't he take care of a real one? But Bruce thinks the whole thing is some kind of stunt, a gag put together by his agent (Ted Raimi) as a birthday present. It also gives him the change to put the moves on Jeff's mother (Grace Thorsen). But once he actually comes face-to-face with Guan-di and realizes that the situation is real, he does what comes naturally to him: he runs far, far away. But when he gets a call from Jeff the next day, Bruce discovers that Jeff is going to try killing Guan-di himself. And even though he's a total coward, Bruce just can't stand by and let an innocent kid become Guan-di's next victim.

Bruce Campbell has starred in some pretty corny movies in the past, and I don't think that My Name is Bruce is any different. But what sets it apart from other Campbell movies is that My Name is Bruce is one of the rare recent ones that's actually good. The fact that Campbell has no problem cracking jokes about himself, his career, his friends, or his fans makes the movie a lot more entertaining, especially if you're a fan of Campbell. The whole movie gives off the impression that it knows it isn't supposed to be taken seriously, and it's a better flick because of it.

Campbell sits at the helm for this flick, and you'd never realize this is only his second directorial effort. His work is solid, and though it's obvious that this is a very low-budget affair, Campbell makes the most of it. And really, a movie like this has to have a low-budget, because I don't think it would be effective any other way. It wouldn't be as accurate a spoof if it cost several million dollars to produce. But Campbell is a competent director regardless, and the real highlight is the scene depicting the filming of his latest crappy movie, a fictional sci-fi sequel titled Cavealien 2. The scene perfectly satirizes most of Campbell's movies, cramming every possible cliché in there. There's the lazy set design, the cheap costumes, the awful special effects and makeup, obvious bloopers and errors, an ultra-pretentious director, and actors with accents so thick that it's hard to tell if they're actually speaking English. Campbell's made enough of those type of movies to know how to properly make fun of their stupidity, and he absolutely hits the nail on the head. The scene is so good that it makes me hope that somebody actually makes a real Cavealien movie. But all in all, Campbell's direction is well done, and I can't complain.

Next on my list is the screenplay, written by Mark Verheiden. To put it bluntly, Verheiden's script is a joke that not everyone will get. The movie wasn't written to be for mass consumption, but for fans of Bruce Campbell. Verheiden does try to let a few jokes for casual viewers slip through. But altogether, he's packed it with so many fun little references to just about every really notable part of Campbell's résumé prior to the movie's production. The only things I didn't catch were any potential references to Xena: Warrior Princess and Hercules: The Legendary Journeys. (And then, it was probably rights issues, if anything.) The jokes might go over quite a few heads, but as a lover letter to the fans, it works.

And then there's the cast. Most of the actors are disposable, but that's probably to be expected given the type of movie this is. But there are enough watchable performances to hold the movie together. But let's start with the major supporting cast first. Taylor Sharpe plays an important role in the movie, as his character ends up setting the whole plot in motion. But it is obvious that Sharpe has never done any real acting before. His delivery feels stilted at times, and he looks like a deer caught in the headlights at others. But I will say that Sharpe is likable, and his performance does fit the B-movie feel that the movie was going for.

Playing the obligatory love interest is Grace Thorsen, who does a better job than I expected. She ends up being overshadowed by other members of the cast, but her performance is respectable and I liked her a lot. The brightest spot in the supporting cast, however, is the one and only Ted Raimi. Raimi plays three minor roles, and he's awesome in all of them. Just about every word he says is hilarious, making it feel like each of the characters were tailor-made for him to cut loose and ham it up.

But we cannot forget why we're here: Bruce Campbell. The movie depicts him as a sleazy, egotistical, washed-up loser that lives in a rundown trailer, drives a lemon that makes Al Bundy's car look top of the line, gets stuck in lousy movies despite begging his manager to find him better work, and drunk-dials his ex-wife at 3:00 in the morning. He also doesn't care much for his fans, as evidenced when he kicks a man in a wheelchair into traffic for being rude. Campbell plays his role with gusto, letting himself come ever so close to going over the top without ever crossing that line. He's obviously having a ton of fun in the role, and I can't blame him for that. I don't know how many actors would be willing to parody themselves to the extent that Campbell does here, which only makes his performance that much more entertaining.

I've already said it, but My Name is Bruce is not for everybody. The movie is one big inside joke, being told to a very select group of movie fans. It isn't even for the fringe people who call themselves Bruce Campbell fans, yet have only seen the Evil Dead movies. It's for those true blue, dyed in the wool Campbell lovers who would watch Man with the Screaming Brain a thousand times, stay up all night because they heard Running Time would be airing on IFC at some ungodly hour, or drive halfway across the country to the middle of nowhere in Tennessee to visit what's left of the cabin from the first Evil Dead movie. It's for them. I though the movie was a really entertaining way to spend an hour and a half, so I'll gladly give My Name is Bruce three and a half stars on my five-star scale. Now if only they'd have put that chainsaw in the movie to good use... 

Final Rating: ***½