Toys have long been separated into two categories: dolls and action figures. And if there's anyone to thank for the term "action figure," it's Hasbro's G.I. Joe toys. G.I. Joe debuted in 1964 as a series of 12-inch action figures representing different branches of the American military. The toys were successful, but most people will more than likely associate the G.I. Joe name with the "Real American Hero" line that Hasbro launched in 1982. Reimagined as 3¾-inch figures after the success of the Star Wars toys, the "Real American Hero" toys were widely popular, spawning a Marvel comic book and the famous syndicated cartoon.
But while the "Real American Hero" toy line, comics, and cartoon had all come to an end by 1994, they haven't been forgotten. After the success of Michael Bay's live-action Transformers movie, Hasbro and Paramount Pictures teamed up once again to make a live-action G.I. Joe movie. Most critics didn't like it and its box office receipts were modest (needing to rely on the international markets in order to fully recoup its budget), but was it really a good movie after all?
In the near future, weapons manufacturer James McCullen (Christopher Eccleston) has created a nanotechnology-based weapon that can disintegrate anything it is fired at. His company sells four warheads to NATO, who enlists some American troops to escort them to their destination. But the convoy quickly finds themselves ambushed by a group boasting advanced weaponry. They are rescued by the G.I. Joe Team, a top-secret military team comprised of the best soldiers from around the world.
The convoy's only survivors, Duke (Channing Tatum) and Ripcord (Marlon Wayans), are taken to the Joes' subterranean base in Egypt, where they are debriefed and dismissed by General Hawk (Dennis Quaid). Duke, however, convinces Hawk to let them join the team when he reveals he had dated one of the convoy's attackers. He knew her as Ana Lewis, but she has since taken the name Baroness Anastascia DeCobray (Sienna Miller). It turns out that she was sent to steal the warheads by McCullen himself, who has his own nefarious purposes for them. He and his mysterious associate known only as "The Doctor" (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) seek to create a new world order, and it's up to the G.I. Joe Team to stop them.
Okay, I have to confess that G.I. Joe was one of the few '80s toy lines I wasn't into when I was a kid. I never watched the cartoon, I never read the comics, and outside of owning two or three of the figures, I never really cared for the franchise. That lack of nostalgic affection is one of the big reasons why I skipped this movie during its theatrical run two years ago. That and I thought the commercials and trailers for it looked stupid. And after having seen it, I can tell you that yeah, it's pretty dumb, alright. It's one of those movies that you'll completely forget about as soon as the closing credits roll, but it's still entertaining despite its rather glaring flaws.
At the helm is Stephen Sommers, who no stranger to CGI-driven summer blockbusters, having directed Van Helsing and two of Brendan Fraser's Mummy movies. And if there's anything truly positive I can say about his work on The Rise of Cobra, it's that at least he didn't go the standard route of having super-shaky camerawork during the action scenes. You can actually tell what's going on, which is refreshing. But other than that, the direction is okay, but not really great. It's just enough to get by. It's sadly not the most exciting action movie, but it's not a boring one either. It certainly holds one's attention. The chase scene through Paris is actually a lot of fun. But Sommers's direction would have been better had the CGI been more convincing. The CGI looks like it'd be better suited for a Pixar movie than for live action. It can actually get distracting on more than one occasion, which is a damn shame.
And the script isn't all that great, either. Credited to Stuart Beattie, David Elliot, and Paul Lovett from a story by Sommers, Beattie, and Michael B. Gordon, the script doesn't have a whole lot going on in it. The movie's two hours long, and yet I seriously got the feeling that not much is happening. It's just "generic action scene, boring dialogue, generic action scene, boring dialogue, generic action scene, the end." It's pitiful. There's nothing going on, there's no memorable dialogue beyond the attempts to work in some of the cartoon's catchphrases, and there's practically no character development at all. It's like if Beattie, Elliot, and Lovett had their kids play with some G.I. Joe toys for two hours and turned what they did into a script, Throw in some extraneous background noise regarding Duke and the Baroness having been engaged in the past, and you have G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra.
And then there's the cast, who are watchable yet not very memorable. The fact that their characters are very poorly defined probably didn't help, but none of the actors really stand out. But I can at least discuss some of the performances while I'm here, I guess. I thought Marlon Wayans and Rachel Nichols were amusing enough, while Sienna Miller's portrayal of the Baroness as a catty sexpot provided a few funny moments.
Christopher Eccleston is a fun kind of hammy, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt puts forth a decent performance in a weak role. I should credit him for not attempting to replicate Chris Latta's Cobra Commander voice from the cartoon, but he unfortunately doesn't have much time to establish any sort of lasting presence. Dennis Quaid also falls victim to the same lack of presence, thanks to his disappointing lack of screen time. Brendan Fraser almost had more screen time, and the guy had an uncredited cameo! And as for Channing Tatum... well, nobody's ever accused him of being a talented actor. He comes off as stiff at times, forgettable at others.
But for all its flaws, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra isn't a totally awful way to spend two hours. It'd make for an acceptable diversion during a boring weekend afternoon. And at the very least, it's certainly not as bad as Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. When it comes right down to it, I can't say I hated the movie. It's not a particularly good movie, but it's not bad enough for me to give it a wholly negative review. It's a shame it wasn't as good as the animated G.I. Joe movie, though. Maybe The Rise of Cobra should have had that same kick-ass opening sequence. That could have totally redeemed it.
Final Rating: **½
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